“Public Edit”

Alright…I wrote a poem for a friend of mine and I thought I would share it. However, the poem contained a personal message. So I thought I would re-word it and display it…well, I ended up re-writing the entire second half. It’s not even close to the original…only the first few verses are the same. And of course the message is completely different. Ha, it's comical now.
Anyway, here is the “Public Edit”


Water Drop

…drop drop drop drop…

Another rainy day
As I stand out in the rain, staring into the grey sky…
A feeling comes over my body.
Cool water dampens my heated soul
But I hate this place
I hate this world

Another meaningless hour
Why am I even out here? Letting water take over me…
Why am I crying in the rain?
The tears of my eyes mix with the water from the heavens
I’m not needed here
I’m not belonging in anyplace

…drop drop drop drop…

Another lonely moment
Perhaps I stay in the rain, because the rain cannot judge me…
Is this my fate?
To stay alone forever in the rain from above?
Time wasted
Time sacrificed

Another hated hour
I hate so much, is this my punishment for hating…
Haha why not?
Break away from all that I hate
Then get away from me!
Then shun me from this existence!

…drop drop dro-…“ssshhhhhhh”…

“Is that what you really want?
To be alone from everything, to hide from reality?
Ah but I don’t think so
Don’t be afraid of a cold world
Rest your soul on me
Let your tears mix with me all you like”

Another dream in the mist of reality
“Do you doubt the rain falling around you? I am real, and here for you”
Why, why bother with me?
“Because you are you, is there anything wrong with that?”
I’m a miserable being not worthy of care
“But you’re kind to me…you like the rain, that is reason enough is it not”

…drop drop drop…

When the sun shines through you’ll simply go away rain
“Oh? Perhaps that’s so. Does it bother you? Have you given it much thought…what you will do after the rain?”
Who are you? What are you?
“I am a water drop…the manifestation of people's thoughts in the form of water.”
A water drop…with a human figure…just another dream.
“Do you not believe in personified thoughts…I am both happy and sad; negative and positive.”

What is it you want?
The rain is cold and relaxing, why come now and bother me while I’m half happy?
I don’t need company, I don’t need the rain talking back t-
“Then why do you talk to me?”
“You’re so negative and hypocritical, you know?”
“You don’t even trust rain with your problems, but yet you talk to it.”

“Even when you’re not alone you still claim to be.
Is that the way you are around people in general?
If you’re so distant from them of course you’ll be alone…
Now then when someone is actually WILLING to talk with you, you don’t want their company?
You are so immature and selfish!
Do you have any idea what you really want?”

“You don’t have to answer; simply know I’m here and willing to talk…”
“Just try to be more open and polite to someone who’s trying to help you.”
I’m sorry!
It’s just tha-
drop………………drop………………………………............
Sunshine, the rain stopped…

What do I really want?
Water drop….ha another mental creation…
But maybe…my soul is trying to tell me something
Time to leave and find a dry place…till next time rain.
Then we can talk again…and maybe I’ll understand more
Till the next rain.

………………………..
“I don’t believe it!
‘Till the next rain.’
Ha!…has he really forgotten that moister is always in the air?
Ugh, sometimes I wonder about that kid.
……….now where did he go?”

Eh?

“I love you.”

What? What does that even mean? One definition of love is: an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion. Oh my that does sound good. But honestly, what does it mean to love? People seem to love so many things. That’s odd to me. Such an intense feeling would be hard to share, would it not?

A dating couple say they “love” each other so much. Then tragically a few months later they breakup…and no longer love each other. I’ve been taught that love is also enduring. So was that not really love that the couple shared? I think not. At the moment it may have seemed like love…but turned out to be nothing more than infatuation.

“I love books” “I love music” “I love thought” Is it possible to love such things? To have tender affection for an inanimate object or an abstract like thought? Ok that does seem kind of possible…but come on! To have such feelings for that which cannot love back? “I love food”…really? That is what you adore more than anything else? To fill your belly?

Then there is always the dreaded “LOVE BETWEEN THE SAME GENDER” *gasp* oh noes!!! Whatever. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with that. Why would there? Is it not great to have affection for all people? Regardless of there gender (or race etc.)?

Love….“love”…it seems to be used in places it does not apply, or in some cases not used when it should be used…..it seems. …………………WHAT ARE YOU SAYING PEOPLE??? Do you really love all that you say you do?? “Love” is one of those over used words, kind of like “dude” or “man” or even a phrase like “What’s up?” Then again…saying “I love you” sounds a whole lot better than saying “I really like you” or “I think you’re really attractive”. And “Love poems” sounds better than “Infatuation poems” or “Sexually Driven poems”. You make a stronger point by saying “I love books” instead of “I like books very much”. PLUS saying “love” is easier and requires less effort most of the time. See the examples in this paragraph.

Love…it’s over used so often, it's almost a cliché. And yet it is not used enough. Funny how that works. I don’t claim to know what love is, or how it works…but at times I think I have a pretty clear idea of what love is not. And I do believe in genuine love between people.

Oh gotta go…Lindsay is here…..Oh how I love her

Nothing Spectacular

Alright so 2008 has been gone for a few hours…well days…now. Soooo, just for the fun of it, a list of highlights…or in some cases major upheavals…that I lived through in ‘08

~ Made three new friends

~ Became close to one of the new found friends

~ Started this silly blog

~ Became even closer to one other new found friend

~ Fell in love

~ Dated for the first time

~ Started writing little articles in addition to poems

~ Successfully finished two semester of ASL (American Sign Language) classes

~ Acquired two more kittens (Alphy [Kitten Alfredo] & Alexander [Zanders])

~ Successfully finished 11th grade with a bang

~ Spent time with my loved one

~ Went to several graduation parties

~ Took a hike with my love to her favorite “secret” spot on one of the mountains of Pine Mountain Club (one of the best times)

~ Met a pretty trippy guy named Ray (we keep in touch)

~ Spent more time with my love…and had some very special moments

~ Attended the funeral of an old man who helped raise me

~ Learned that I’m to self-centered for love and such a relationship; my love, our time together ended (we still talk on occasion)

~ Broke my own heart

~ Learned that someone is interested in me….and I’m not sure if I’m interested back

~ Changed my writing style somewhat

~ Almost died

~ Spent two weeks in a hospital

~ Spent an additional week in a different (kind of) hospital

~ Recovered at home for a while

~ Discovered I like Japanese Music

~ Took a trip to Washington state to visit my mother’s side of the family (had a wonderful time)

~ Held my two baby cousins for the first time

~ Spent an entire day on a river with my uncle Tom and my cousin Cloe

~ Someone thought I was homosexual and spread the word (ha the aftermath of that was fun)

~ Oh yes and swam about every day of summer

~ Started 12th grade like any other

~ Sailed the Channel Islands for five days assisting the ship’s crew teach elementary and junior high students marine biology and basic sail training with four other high school students (all friends of mine, but one a very close friend) (was absolutely fantastic, another great experience of ‘08)

~ Became even closer to an already close friend (didn’t think it was possible)

~ Wrote a paper on my friend Steven for an English project…and it earned an A (Steven was super thrilled haha)

~ Acquired four kittens that now live at my grandparents home (Lancelot, Gawain, Gwenevere, and Charlemagne…I finally was able to name all the cats of one litter ha-ha-ha)

~ Made a few new friends

~ Became close to a newly found friend

~ Made a trip up the Eastern Sierra Nevada Mountains of California (played in a small, but freezing cold, river)

~ Attended the funeral of an old woman who used to live next door to me; who’s yard I would go to play in and who’s grand-daughter I would play with when I was much younger.

~ Took in a new pet spider, a tarantula, that my father found for me at work (now I have two spiders: a funnel web named Octavian and a tarantula named Epyon)

~ Learned that just about every 9th and 10th grade girl at my school has some kind of little crush on me…which I find slightly irritating considering most of them are pathetically immature (most but not all)

~ Discovered that a friend of mine has feelings for me…I kinda have them back

~ Went to a swim meet to watch a friend do what she enjoys doing (swimming)

Yep. Of course there’s a lot more, but again this was just a list of major happenings. A lot of things happened for the first time this year. I must admit, this past year was quite the learning experience. Not only did I learn much about other people and their nature, but I learned quite a bit about myself. It’s odd, when you look inside yourself and find something unknown and unexpected wrapped up deep within your core.

“ ‘Ignorance is bliss.’ That is not always true. If you are ignorant of some idea or passion held inside yourself…or are ignorant of how you affect your fellow human, or how your fellow human truly affects you, you are not happy, for you are constantly chasing answers and solutions…trying to understand why you feel the way you do. If you don’t truly understand yourself, how can you possibly understand anyone or anything else? The more you learn about yourself, the more you will be able to understand others, and the more contented and happy you will be.”

This idea I was forced to acknowledge, perhaps truly for the first time. This is what I learned in ‘08 above anything else.

To further understand…to further grow…to further investigate all in the name of progress and happiness. That is what each year is for…to further yourself.

Well then, I’m hoping that ‘09 is filled with less drama…so far so good.