“Public Edit”

Alright…I wrote a poem for a friend of mine and I thought I would share it. However, the poem contained a personal message. So I thought I would re-word it and display it…well, I ended up re-writing the entire second half. It’s not even close to the original…only the first few verses are the same. And of course the message is completely different. Ha, it's comical now.
Anyway, here is the “Public Edit”


Water Drop

…drop drop drop drop…

Another rainy day
As I stand out in the rain, staring into the grey sky…
A feeling comes over my body.
Cool water dampens my heated soul
But I hate this place
I hate this world

Another meaningless hour
Why am I even out here? Letting water take over me…
Why am I crying in the rain?
The tears of my eyes mix with the water from the heavens
I’m not needed here
I’m not belonging in anyplace

…drop drop drop drop…

Another lonely moment
Perhaps I stay in the rain, because the rain cannot judge me…
Is this my fate?
To stay alone forever in the rain from above?
Time wasted
Time sacrificed

Another hated hour
I hate so much, is this my punishment for hating…
Haha why not?
Break away from all that I hate
Then get away from me!
Then shun me from this existence!

…drop drop dro-…“ssshhhhhhh”…

“Is that what you really want?
To be alone from everything, to hide from reality?
Ah but I don’t think so
Don’t be afraid of a cold world
Rest your soul on me
Let your tears mix with me all you like”

Another dream in the mist of reality
“Do you doubt the rain falling around you? I am real, and here for you”
Why, why bother with me?
“Because you are you, is there anything wrong with that?”
I’m a miserable being not worthy of care
“But you’re kind to me…you like the rain, that is reason enough is it not”

…drop drop drop…

When the sun shines through you’ll simply go away rain
“Oh? Perhaps that’s so. Does it bother you? Have you given it much thought…what you will do after the rain?”
Who are you? What are you?
“I am a water drop…the manifestation of people's thoughts in the form of water.”
A water drop…with a human figure…just another dream.
“Do you not believe in personified thoughts…I am both happy and sad; negative and positive.”

What is it you want?
The rain is cold and relaxing, why come now and bother me while I’m half happy?
I don’t need company, I don’t need the rain talking back t-
“Then why do you talk to me?”
“You’re so negative and hypocritical, you know?”
“You don’t even trust rain with your problems, but yet you talk to it.”

“Even when you’re not alone you still claim to be.
Is that the way you are around people in general?
If you’re so distant from them of course you’ll be alone…
Now then when someone is actually WILLING to talk with you, you don’t want their company?
You are so immature and selfish!
Do you have any idea what you really want?”

“You don’t have to answer; simply know I’m here and willing to talk…”
“Just try to be more open and polite to someone who’s trying to help you.”
I’m sorry!
It’s just tha-
drop………………drop………………………………............
Sunshine, the rain stopped…

What do I really want?
Water drop….ha another mental creation…
But maybe…my soul is trying to tell me something
Time to leave and find a dry place…till next time rain.
Then we can talk again…and maybe I’ll understand more
Till the next rain.

………………………..
“I don’t believe it!
‘Till the next rain.’
Ha!…has he really forgotten that moister is always in the air?
Ugh, sometimes I wonder about that kid.
……….now where did he go?”

Memories....Ideas...ugh...

Drip


(drip drip drip)

I remember…I remember coming to this place.
Coming here to hide from reality.
To hide from what I considered miserable and evil.
I ran away from everything and hid here in ignorance.
Isolated from everyone, and kept in the cold of selfishness.
But this is my choice.

It’s dark…so dark I can’t even see my own figure.
My form my shape, all is oblivious.
Nothing is seen so nothing can be judged as evil.
Knowledge and the light it spreads is vanquished here.
Staying in darkness, and kept unaware of my surroundings.
Content I am.

(drip)

There are no sounds…all is quiet here in my refuge.
In this black day no sounds echo forth.
Nothing is ever heard so I must be alone.
Beautiful songs are never in the air in my palace.
Nothing is heard, then none of it matters.
Only the sound of my thoughts.

I don’t know…really how large my palace is.
It is vast and seemingly endless.
No walls can be found or a roof at all.
There are no stairs of progress as ignorance would need none.
No plants to feel and pick in pleasure.
Only water is felt at times.

……drip……

That sound…I heard a sound.
Of distant water flowing somewhere in my palace.
Water, it drips ripples and pours.
But what does the water flow from?
No stones or even matter for the water to flow on.
Where is this water?

My imagination…is it not bound by ignorance?
That must be it, my imagination.
But no I feel water at times, water in a sea of nothingness.
Where is it, where is this noise coming from?
This water can’t be real there is nothing else here in my refuge!
My imagination my mind where is this water coming from?

drip drip drip

This can’t be…the blackness is closing in!
My refuge is collapsing around me!
This dampness, this sound it’s everywhere!
I can feel it, I can hear it, it’s falling on me!
If this is my imagination, my mind I control you!
Listen to me!

My breath…I can’t breath in this black ocean!
The space, the space it gone!
I can’t move, what’s going on!? Why mind why!?
It was MY decision to hide from everything!
Why are you doing this to me!?
I can’t move, help me!

…drip………………………………..................

Stop it…stop it now!
Ever heart beat every blink of my eyes, they are all happening slowly before me!
Black walls of my world are smashed together!
No stop that infernal dripping!!!
Dripping dripping dripping that’s all I can hear now!
That echo!

This is ….this is my world of security!
You can’t do this to me mind!
You’re still my mind so am I doing this to myself??
My own retribution for closing my mind to the world??
Stop the dripping STOP!!!
…………..My……………wor-

...drip……………………………….......................……I……..remember……..

I woke up one day…and took a good look around through the window of inquiry.
I saw all the world’s evils all of the hatred and despair.
I decided to stop learning of things of this world and run away from reality.
That started everything…or rather that started my demise.
Ignorance and loneliness drove me mad.
Deep down I hated myself for such an action.

My ignorant and selfish mind is killing me.

………………………………...........

beep…beep…beep…beep

Bright light…
My body…my form…sore from struggling…alive?
Defined walls…and a ceiling…white sheets
A sink…dripping with water.
I hate hospitals.
I want to look out the window.

Her name is -

To MY Sister

What if you could turn back time?
Undo all the terrible things in your life.
Do you blame yourself for all that has transpired…
Or do you simply hurt because of the choices of others?
Do you dive deep into your soul trying to find answers to their deeds?

Don’t hurt yourself over their account.
You’ll only bleed onto broken picture frames.
You want mama, big brother back home…
Into your arms to tell them of how you are growing up.
Do you look for them where ever you might be?

Don’t follow them in order to find them.
You’ll only kiss the cold stone of nothingness as well.
Will you forever morn your loss…
Or will you end everything to be free of such a burden?
Do you still cry every night over their choices to leave?

Sorry little sister, you love them, but I hate them.
For leaving you and brother and big sister and papa too.
I hate, and yet love them even still…
Though I do not know why, they still touch my heart.
Am I cursed with memories of people I love; I wonder if they even still love me?

Don’t cry; don’t cry anymore little sister.
Remember the acorns, the leave, the water drops, and the grass blades?
Nothing in life is ever easy…
But you can move forward without the troubles of yesterday.
I’m still here…so is big sister, brother, and papa.

Don’t cry anymore little sister.
You’re friends and family still love you.
Nothing can take the place of mama and big brother…
But you will still feel true love from the ones around you…
The ones who love and support you

Don’t you know who you are and what you mean to us…to me?
You’re loving and kind and humble and you’re growing up to be quite beautiful.
Small adorable figure, kind gentle heart…
Cherish yourself…for you are someone special.
Believe in yourself, because you are strong.

Don’t cry anymore little sister.
You can only grow and move forward now…
Become stronger from you hurting.
Free yourself from the chains of despair and embrace your true family.
Please, smile at your future; your future with all those who love you.

Don’t cry. I love you.

Final

Only small changes...but needed ones I think.

Dormant Memories Restored by Determination

I sat.
In a valley just over the mountains.
A dry valley with one small river running through it strait from the tallest mountain.
The glistening water just north of me was the only sign of life.
The only sign of hope for the dry valley.

I looked.
At the desolate cemetery.
A cemetery in the center of the dry valley just to the south of the tallest mountain.
The large monument of the cemetery was the only sign of humanity.
The only tall place for the dry valley.

I sat.
I sat on a rock just to the left of the monument.
Looking right at the river of hope.
The glistening water was gone.
Only the monument stood; a memory of misery.

I stood.
I walked away toward the south where more nothingness lay.
CLAP CLAP CLAP just like thunder came from the north.
I looked back a the river; at hope…as I looked the river seemed to drift farther away.
CLAP CLAP CLAP

I heard.
I heard the clapping.
Louder, closer CLAP CLAP CLAP; the march of thousands of people.
The northern sky grew dark; the monument grew taller to reach the heavens; the mountain erupted in fiery anger lighting the entire valley in flame.
A crash like waves of the ocean filled the air; the voices of thousands of people who in unison proclaimed:

“Do you know me?
I am you. The you you never knew.
I am the embodiment of all you hatred; of all you fear; of all you suffering.
I am your reflection; your fellow self!

We’ve met; we’ve met many times.
You never saw me though; you were to blinded by your selfishness.
You were to afraid to open your eyes to reality!
You never once took the time to clear your mind; to see me for who I really am!

I am the one who has been beaten by prejudice.
I am the wrongfully imprisoned.
I am the one who’s family was separated and taken away.
I am the one you fear out of your own ignorance and stupidity!

You always hurt me; you have never loved me!
And in your arrogance you never acknowledged that you were hurting yourself!
You never acknowledged it, but some where you knew your crimes.
Look! Look at that monument! That is your self-hate! Your guilt!

Do you know what I stand for?
Do you know my story of misery?
Do you have the slightest clue of what you have done to me?
DO YOU CARE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING IN A MIRROR AT YOURSELF AS WELL?

I AM HUMANITY!
I AM ALL THOSE WHO HAVE EVER BEEN HATED; WHO HAVE EVER BEEN PERSECUTED; WHO HAVE EVER BEEN DISCRIMINATED AGAINST!
I AM ALL WHO HAVE CRIED UPON DEAF EARS!
I AM EVERYONE INCLUDING YOURSELF!

EVERYONE!
LOOK AT THE MIRROR YOU FOOLS!
YOU’RE SUFFERING TOO!
EVERY TIME YOU PERSECUTE ME YOU STAB YOURSELF !

LOOK AT THE REALITY OF YOU CRIMES!
LOOK AT IT!
LOOK AT IT!
LOOK AT IT!

TRUTH!
YOUR FEAR BLINDS YOU!
DON’T BE A FOOL AVOIDING THE TRUTH!
LOOK AT IT!”

(CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP clap clap clap tap…tap…tap tap tap…)

I felt.
The gentle touch of rain.
Cool rain that quenched the fires of the mountain; that returned the monument back to its original hieght.
Light broke through the clouded skies.
The river flowed with water again.

The valley spouted plants.
Tall mighty trees grew along the banks of the river.
Flowers grew around the monument.
All was green in the valley.
The valley lived, filled with restored knowledge.

I turned southward again; and started walking toward possible nothingness.

Draft...or maybe final

Dormant Memories Restored by Determination

I sat.
In a valley just over the mountains.
A dry valley with one small river running through it strait from the tallest mountain.
The glistening water just north of me was the only sign of life.
The only sign of hope for the dry valley.

I looked.
At the desolate cemetery.
A cemetery in the center of the dry valley just to the south of the tallest mountain.
The large monument of the cemetery was the only sign of humanity.
The only tall place for the dry valley.

I sat.
I sat on a rock just to the left of the monument.
Looking right at the river of hope.
The glistening water was gone.
Only the monument stood; a memory of misery.

I stood.
I walked away toward the south where more nothingness lay.
CLAP CLAP CLAP just like thunder came from the north.
I looked back a the river; at hope…as I looked the river seemed to drift farther away.
CLAP CLAP CLAP

I heard.
I heard the clapping.
Louder, closer CLAP CLAP CLAP; the march of thousands of people.
The northern sky grew dark; the monument grew taller to reach the heavens; the mountain erupted in fiery anger lighting the entire valley in flame.
A crash like waves of the ocean filled the air; the voices of thousands of people who in unison proclaimed:

“Do you know me?
I am you. The you you never knew.
I am the embodiment of all you hatred; of all you fear; of all you suffering.
I am your reflection; your fellow self!

We’ve met; we’ve met many times.
You never saw me though; you were to blinded by your selfishness.
You were to afraid to open your eyes to reality!
You never once took the time to clear your mind; to see me for who I really am!

I am the one who has been beaten by prejudice.
I am the wrongfully imprisoned.
I am the person you ignored when I needed comfort the most!
I am the one you fear out of your own ignorance and stupidity!

You always hurt me; you have never loved me!
And in your arrogance you never acknowledged that you were hurting yourself!
You never acknowledged it, but some where you knew your crimes.
Look! Look at that monument! That is your self-hate! Your guilt!

Do you know what I stand for?
Do you know my story of misery?
Do you have the slightest clue of what you have done to me?
DO YOU CARE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING IN A MIRROR AT YOURSELF AS WELL?

I AM HUMANITY!
I AM ALL THOSE WHO HAVE EVER BEEN HATED; WHO HAVE EVER BEEN PERSECUTED; WHO HAVE EVER BEEN DISCRIMINATED AGAINST!
I AM ALL WHO HAVE CRIED UPON DEAF EARS!
I AM EVERYONE INCLUDING YOURSELF!

EVERYONE!
LOOK AT THE MIRROR YOU FOOLS!
YOU’RE SUFFERING TOO!
EVERY TIME YOU PERSECUTE ME YOU STAB YOURSELF !

LOOK AT THE REALITY OF YOU CRIMES!LOOK AT IT!
LOOK AT IT!
LOOK AT IT!

TRUTH!
YOUR FEAR BLINDS YOU!
DON’T BE A FOOL AVOIDING THE TRUTH!
LOOK AT IT!”

(CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP clap clap clap tap…tap…tap tap tap…)

I felt.
The gentle touch of rain.
Cool rain that quenched the fires of the mountain; that returned the monument back to its original hieght.
Light broke through the clouded skies.
The river flowed with water again.

The valley spouted plants.
Tall mighty trees grew along the banks of the river.
Flowers grew around the monument.
All was green in the valley.
The valley lived, filled with restored knowledge.

I turned southward; and started walking toward possible nothingness.

Praying Mantis

Panoramic Vision

“I see you.”

“Oh really? And how can you? I am behind you?”

“Haha, I can see everything”

“No you can’t!”

“Yes I can; I have big green eyes!
No matter where you are, I will see you with my green eyes!”, said the Praying Mantis

That was our discussion; the discussion between the Praying Mantis and Myself
That was our discussion; the discussion that happened over 11 years ago

The peculiar insect held onto the rose branch
As I leaned to the right, those big green eyes turned to follow me
As I leaned to the left, those big green eyes turned to follow me

“Ha if I walk behind him, he won’t turn his neck all away around!” I thought

As I walk behind the peculiar insect, those green eyes were still watching me
Those small pupils were still visible, even from behind his head

“I see you.”

“Really? What if I’m under you?”

“Yep! I can see you there too!”

“How can you?”

“Easily! I have all seeing eyes!
No matter where you are, I will see you with my green eyes!” said the Praying Mantis

That was our discussion; the discussion between the Praying Mantis and Myself
That was our discussion; the discussion that made the Praying Mantis my favorite insect over 11 years ago

Poetry....ugh

Retrospect

Does the past really matter now?
I’m such a fool
A fool who believed a living lie
I wish I could turn back time, for everything that went wrong is my fault
But even if I could…
What would I do?
Wouldn’t I do the same things over again?
Wouldn’t I seek my own pleasure again?
Wouldn’t I go after her again?

Does my existence mean any thing?
I’m so selfish
So selfish to disregard the feelings of others
I wish no one really gave a damn about me, for then dying would be so easy
But even if no one did…
What would happen?
Wouldn’t I still try to be close to them?
Wouldn’t I long to be with them?
Wouldn’t I swallow that bottle of pills again?

I hate
I hate
I hate the world as it is
I hate all the stupid people in this world
I seem to thrive on my own hatred
No, that is not me; this undying hatred is not me
This is you, isn’t it Nadleeh?
This is you screaming in my mind again
If I could rid myself of you, find where in my mind you are hiding, I would destroy you
I hate
I hate you Nadleeh

Why have people I cared about died?
They were all so young
Where are you guys?
Why did you leave?
I need you
Why leave me here in this world alone?

A friend, she is moving on with her life.
Why can’t I do the same?
I feel so close to her, yet so distant
I feel so happy for her, yet hurt
All at the same time

Does this mean I can’t move on?
I’m so stupid
So stupid not to move forward with my life
I wish, I wish I could just let go of everything, be free of these feelings, move on…
What would I look for?
Wouldn’t I seek company again?
Wouldn’t I become emotionally attached to people again?
Wouldn’t I ruin everything again?

Why am I even still alive?
What purpose do I have?
I want, I want to move on
Let go…and move on
Let go of the past…and move on
Rid myself of these feelings…and move on
Everyone else is moving on, I must be behind the times
All I want, is to be happy
To move on

Final Draft

Basically the same, with only minor changes.

Nadleeh

As I sat by the dry river bed, I gazed into the dry space; I dreamt
I dreamt of all the beautiful things in the world; but most of all I dreamt of the flowing river
A little girl walked close by and asked, “What are you looking at? The water is gone.”
“You’re right little one; the water is gone. But you see, I can still see the water nevertheless.”
“How? When the water is gone?”
“Is the water really gone? Or is that just your mind playing tricks on you?”
“Look! There is no water!”
“Tell me little one, do you know what a river looks like?”
“Yes.”
“Then, if you want to see the water, all you have to do is close your eyes.”
“Close my eyes?”
“Yes. If you think of a river, if you look around you, you can see the water by closing your eyes.”

As she sat by my side, she closed her eyes; she dreamt
She dreamt of all the beautiful fish in the river; but most of all she dreamt of the flowing water
A little thought came to her and she asked, “What else can I see?”
“What would you like to see? If you try hard enough, you can see anything.”
“Anything? I want to see the people I love.”
“Who do you love? I’m thinking your mother…or maybe your father? Am I right?”
“My papa is somewhere far without me; but, mamma died…”
“I see. I’m sure you remember what she looked like.”
“Yes.”
“Good girl. Now think of her, and close your little eyes again.”
“Will she really be there?”
“If you saw the sparkling, clear water, then you can see her.”

As we sat by the dry river bed, we dreamt of what mattered
We dreamt of fond memories, but most of all we dreamt of the people we loved
A little tear fell down her check, “I don’t wanna die mamma.”
“…You’re not going to die little one; don’t be afraid. Memories are not meant to kill you.”
“Why should I live when mamma is gone?”
“Mamma is gone; but you see, if you die too, who will carry her memory?”
“I’m afraid. I don‘t wanna be afraid!”
“Don’t be afraid little one. Memories are not the same as real life, but they can be as real as you make them. Can you remember her?”
“Yes.”
“Of course you can. Close your eyes little one, she will be there.
“I want mamma…”
“I know. Now don’t say a word, close your little eyes, and think about your mamma; she will be there in your memories.”

As she sat by the dry river bed, she cried; she dreamt of her mother
She dreamt of her mother’s gentle smile, but most of all she dreamt of her mother’s warm embrace
A little smile curved around her face and she cried, “I can feel you mamma!”
“You always will little one, as long as you cherish her memory.”
“But, what should I do now? Momma is still gone.”
“Mamma is gone, but ah, her memory is stored alive deep within your heart.”
“I’m still sad. I’m still afraid.”
“I know all to well. But wouldn’t mamma want you to grow, and be happy? Would she not want you smiling?”
“Yes.”
“You’re right. Yes she would. Love her memory as she loved you.”
“I want…”
“Don’t say anything at all. Instead, dream it. When you’re sad and afraid, think of mamma; dream and you can do anything. Close your little eyes and open your heart and the world will open up to you. You and mamma can again play in the river together."

As I opened my eyes, I saw the braches of a tree.
I sat up and saw the river bed filled with running, glimmering water.
“It was all a dream.”…until, I saw a little note folded in my hat.

“Thank you.
Nadleeh”

Poem First Draft

Nadleeh

As I sat by the dry river bed, I gazed into the dry space; I dreamt
I dreamt of all the beautiful things in the world; but most of all I dreamt of the flowing river
A little girl walked close by and asked, “What are you looking at? The river is dry.”
“You’re right little one; the river is dry. But you see, I can still see the water never the less.”
“How? When the water is gone?”
“Is the water really gone? Or is that just your mind playing tricks on you?”
“Look! The water is dry!”
“Tell me little one, do you know what a river looks like?”
“Yes.”
“Then, if you want to see the water, all you have to do is close your eyes.”
“Close my eyes?”
“Yes. If you think of a river, if you look around you, you can see the water by closing your eyes.”
As she sat by my side, she closed her eyes; she dreamt
She dreamt of all the beautiful fish in the river; but most of all she dreamt of the flowing water
A little thought came to her and she asked, “What else can I see?”
“What would you like to see? If you try hard enough, you can see anything.”
“Anything? I want to see the people I love.”
“Who do you love? I’m thinking your mamma…or maybe your father? Am I right?”
“My papa is somewhere far without me; but, mamma died…”
“Well then I see. I’m sure you remember what she looked like.”
“Yes.”
“Good girl. Now think of her, and close your little eyes again.”
“Will she really be there?”
“If you saw the little silver fishes in the water, then you can see her.”
As we sat by the dry river bed, we dreamt of what mattered
We dreamt of fond memories, but most of all we dreamt of the people we loved
A little tear fell down her check, “I don’t wanna die mamma.”
“…You’re not going to die little one; don’t be afraid. Memories are not meant to kill you.”
“Why should I live when mamma is gone?”
“Mamma is gone; but you see, if you die too, who will carry her memory?”
“I’m afraid. I don‘t wanna be afraid!”
“Don’t be afraid little one. Memories are not the same as real life, but they can be as real as you make them. Can you remember her?”
“Yes.”
“Of course you can. Close your eyes little one, she will be there.
“I want mamma…”
“I know. Now don’t say a word, close your little eyes, and think about your mamma; she will be there in your memories.”
As she sat by the dry river bed, she cried; she dreamt of her mother
She dreamt of her mother’s gentle smile, but most of all she dreamt of her mother’s warm embrace
A little smile curved around her face and she cried, “I can feel you mamma!”
“You always will little one, as long as you cherish her memory.”
“But, what should I do now? Momma is still gone.”
“Mamma is gone, but ah, her memory is stored alive deep within your heart.”
“I’m still sad.”
“I know all to well. But wouldn’t mamma want you oto grow, and be happy? Would she not want you smiling?”
“Yes.”
“Yes she would. Love her memory as she loved you.”
“I want…”
“Don’t say anything at all. Instead, dream it. When you’re sad, think of mamma; dream and you can do anything. Close your little eyes and open your heart and the world will open up to you. You and mamma can again play in the river together.
As I opened my eyes, I saw the braches of a tree.
I sat up and saw the river bed filled with water.
“It was all a dream.”…until I saw a little note in my hat.
“Thank you. Nadleeh”

愛

接吻

私は愛するシャイエンヌ…
私の風…
…しかし…
だれであるか。
だれであるか。
…その点では…
私はだれであるか。
私はだれであるか。
…
私達はだれであるか。
私達はだれであるか。
私はシャイエンヌ愛する

Kisses

As for me I love you Cheyenne...
My Wind...
...but...
Who are you?
Who are you?
...At this point in time…
Who am I?
Who am I?
...
Who are we?
Who are we?
I love you Cheyenne

I love Japanese script…it’s so beautiful.

Thoughts....ugh

Incomplete Thoughts

It’s funny,
The passage of time.
It never halts.
No matter how much we try
No matter how much we want
Time never stops.
Moments pass
Feelings pass
Both, with the passage of time
People
Do I know these people?
Do they even know me?
It’s funny,
That we say we know people
That we form bonds with them
Yet we hardly know them
What even is a relationship?
What even is a bond?
Relationships change
Bonds change
Both, with the knowledge of people
Where am I?
What time is it?
Who are these people around me?
It’s funny,
That I am alive and yet do not have an answer to those simple questions
What is a clock?
You see,
Time is an abstract
Yet a clock, is tangible
Does a clock really say what time it is?
Who said so?
Is a clock a tangible definition of the abstract time?
If so, is that definition correct?
Who said so?
It’s funny,
That people automatically try to define abstracts
People
It’s funny,
That people are the only physical beings capable of expressing emotions, capable of thinking abstractly, capable of reasoning, capable of loving; yet humans hate so much, humans destroy so much.
I don’t completely understand people, but at least I have an answer as to why that is so...you most likely do as well
It’s funny,
That a mirror reflects only what is physical,
But not what is mental
Not what is spiritual
Not what is emotional
A mirror is not a true reflection
Only a small part of a whole is reflected
It’s funny,
That people are like grass
You see
If you look at grass as a collective whole
Grass is beautiful, yet all the blades look similar
But if you look closer
You see that each blade of grass is unique
Making it all the more beautiful
If you look at people as a collective whole
People are beautiful, yet all people look similar
But if you look closer
You see that each person is unique
Making that person all the more beautiful
But,
Grass is relatively simple;
People are not simple at all
I don’t claim to know why time never stops
I don’t claim to know whether a clock is accurate and correct
I don’t claim to know why a mirror is not a complete reflection
I don’t claim to know why people can be compared to something as simple as grass
I don’t claim to know who people are or what they mean;
Just as people do not know who I am or what I mean
I don’t claim to even know who I am or what I mean;
I hardly know;
You will hardly know
Despite all this,
I am here
And while I am here;
I shall try to find the answers to these unanswered questions
I shall love the people I have formed relationships with
Look for me in the grass;
Or in your reflection,
I’ll be near a clock.

Inspiration

I cannot take credit for this; I can only take credit for the small edits I made. It feels strange to edit someone else’s work…but the edits make it more to my liking. In all, I love this poem. It expresses such amazing and beautiful abstract thoughts…thoughts I often think about.

P.S. I do not know who the original writer of this is...but this poem heavily affected my style and inspired me when I started writing.

Mountains. Heavy are the mountains, but that changes thru the passage of time.
Sky... Blue sky. What your eyes can't see. What your eyes can see.
Sun...There is only one.
Water... It is agreeable.
Flower... So many alike. So many without purpose.
Sky... Red, red sky. Red the color. Red the color I hate.
Water flowing. It drips ripples and pores.
Blood... The sent of blood. A woman who does not bleed.
From the red earth man comes.
Born of man and woman is Man.
Town... A human creation.
What is human? Are they creations of God?
Or that which is human?
The things I possess are my life and soul. I am a vessel for my heart.
Who is this? This is me.
Who am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I?
I am myself. This, that which is, is myself. That which is formed is me.
This is the me that can be seen, yet this feels as if this is not myself.
A strange feeling. It feels as if my body is melting.
I can no longer see myself. My shape my form.
I feel the presence of someone who is not me.
Who is there, beyond me here?
I know this person.
Others...
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?

Final Edit

A while ago I wrote a poem titled “Implosion”. This is the final edit of that poem. It's for a friend of mine.

Implosion before the Dream

Do we care for each other?
What defines love of friends?
Do we really care?
The walls of my mind are closing in
I feel a sensation of sadness surrounding my very core
Help me…
Help me release my mind from this self-made malice.

Where are the people I call friends?
Do they really exist?
Do I matter to them?
Do they really matter to me or am I deceptive?
Why do I feel this way; my mind is playing tricks on me
Show me…
Show me the way out of this stream of thought

Where am I going?
What does my mind want?
Do I really know?
My consciousness is crumbling apart
I am the only person who can truly change my perceptions
But still…
But still we can help each other live in this world

Do we know each other?
Has my mind imploded?
How…..?
I feel my heart melting away
This feeling of loneliness is crushing all that matters
I do…
I do not wish to live in pain because of emotional separation

Why do I think such things?
Where do such irrational thoughts take me?
Do I really believe myself?
My mind is collapsing from the stress
But I know the truths of friendship
I know…
I know are minds and hearts will remain together forever

Is this you who has opened my eyes?
Why have you stopped for me?
Is this my dream?
My heart is beating again because of you
Warmth from your body surrounds my entity enveloping my core
Your touch…
Your touch brings tender dreams to my mind amidst deceptive perceptions

Is this dream to become a reality?
Where are our hearts going?
Is this really the truth?
I wake up each morning now because of you
Thoughts of your personable soul flood my mind with a desire to dream
Hold me…
Hold me forever in this reality so we can both say: “I love you”

Ah man…

No Title Until…Death

What are friends?
They are someone you can trust, someone who cares.
What is hope?
The belief of something good to come.
This world is full of nothing, no friends, no hope.
Does anyone care?
What is care?
The concern for someone other than yourself, for those who care.
What is love?
The emotion that cannot be explained.
This world if full of nothing, no care, no love.
I do not know.
What is Life?
The realization of living, of one’s expectance.
What is blood?
The liquid that drips ripples and pours inside.
This life is bleeding, is pleading, for what?
Blood trickles.
Nobody cares, nobody loves.
Nothing is worth the cost of living, of bleeding
I have nothing, but yet I have something, what?
Nothing matters anymore…
My friends, what friends, do I have anyone I can call a friend?
The people I thought were my friends, they do not seem to care…
The one I love, do I receive love back?
I cannot tell.
Do they love me?
Do I love them?
Do we bleed for nothing?
I try to love back, but I’m afraid they do not love me, want me…
I’m afraid they don’t care…
I want someone to talk to…
But no one wants to…
Nobody cares…
Not even the one I love…
Nobody…

My Rhythmic Thinking

This is a stream of thought that was suppose to be a free-verse style poem. But I can never seem write without rhythm. I’m not sure yet, but I may go back and edit this later.

Implosion

Figures of people
Do we care for each other?
What defines love of friends?
Do we really care?
The walls of my mind are closing in
I feel a sensation of sadness surrounding my very core
Help me
Help me release my mind from this self-made malice.

Sensations of hopelessness
Where are the people I call friends?
Do they really exist?
Do I matter to them?
Do they really matter to me or am I deceptive?
Why do I feel this way; my mind is playing tricks on me
Show me
Show me the way out of this stream of thought

Interpretation of reality
Where am I going?
What does my mind want?
Do I really know?
My consciousness is crumbling apart
I am the only person who can truly change my perceptions
But still
But still we can help each other live in this world

Break of spirit
Do we know each other?
Has my mind imploded?
How…..?
I feel my heart melting away
This feeling of loneliness is crushing all that matters
I do
I do not wish to live in pain because of emotional separation.

Thoughts of hope
Why do I think such things?
Where do such irrational thoughts take me?
Do I really believe myself?
My mind is collapsing from the stress
But I know the truths of friendship
I know
I know are minds and hearts will remain together forever

Mythology

Mythology of any kind is the greatest. At least it is when it inspires you. Oh if your not familiar with Thanatos, you may not get it.

Thanatos

The space between numbers is endless,
The moments count to nowhere,
Time wasted,
Time spent,
What is the end? What is the beginning?
The time between thoughts is careless,
The place in mind is empty,
Thoughts spent,
Thoughts lost,
What is the meaning? What is the purpose?
The thoughts of blood are common,
The glances flow together,
Thanatos lives,
Thanatos invites,
Where is this fate? Where is this end?
The Thanatos of heart is alive,
The realizations come to pass,
Life acknowledged,
Life appreciated,
Where is this end? Where is end of Thanatos?

More Delusions

I love writing schizophrenic poems; its kinda fun

What am I

What Am I?
You?
Yes, what am I?
Does it matter?
I just want to know why I live
Do you not want to live in order to feel?
I feel pain.

Where Am I?
Where?
Yes, were am I?
Does it hurt?
I just want to be happy were I am.
Are you not happy, not satisfied?
I don’t know.

Why?
Why?
Yes, why?
Why what?
I want to know why everyone hurts.
Why…is life pain, hurt?
I don’t know.

What am I?
You?
Yes, Me
You don’t understand yet?
I just want to be happy.
Are you feeling unhappy?
I feel Pain

Vintage Model

Might as well post this. This is the first "Poem" (if you want to call it that) that i wrote sometime in the 8th grade

Time

If time is a measurement of space; why does it seem different to people? Time.
To some it goes by slowly,
To others it goes by quickly,
Why?
If it were a measurement; would it not be constant?
The same?
People interpret thing different that’s true,
But even measurements are the same,
For example,
An inch is an inch
A foot is a foot
A yard is a yard
But to people time is always changing; it is never the same,
Why is it not the same for everyone?
Why is it different?

More Crazed Thoughts

This poem is very similar to Loneliness. However this is more about the concept of Reality vs. Dream, and it really just goes in a circle; kind of how my mind
functions...(haha)

Thoughts and Dreams

Reality?
Yes reality
What is reality?
It is the world outside you dream
Where is my dream?
It is at the end of reality
Dreams?
Yes dreams
What is a dream?
It is the emotions you feel in reality
Where is my reality?
It is at the heart of your dream
Me?
Yes you
What am I?
You are the thoughts of existence
Where is my existence?
It is at the heart of your dream
Existence?
Yes existence
What is existence?
It is the dream of reality
What is this dream?
It is your reality
Where am I?
You?
Where am I?
You are at the end of reality
This is a dream?
Of your reality…of your existence

Oops

It was not until after I wrote this that I realized that this shares the same name as a song…

The Suffering

When do we understand?
When do we feel?
When are the things inside our mind not just a dream?
The emotions that move us…that rule us.
When are they true?
Emotions that we do not understand

Who is the person inside us?
Who is trying…to say the things we cannot?
Who is that face that comes to touch us?
The soul that lives in the mind of all…of hearts.
Who is that?
Souls that speak when we do not.
Why do we cry?
Why do we feel the dread of life?
Why the souls of all mortals?
The pain of life encloses us.
Why the hate?
Mortals that cry out in pain…our pain.
When do are spirits break free from all this?
When all things die…why do we live?
When do we understand?
The souls that talk when we do not.
What do they do with our spirit?
The voice that rules us…the voice that whispers “The Suffering”