Yesterday, I went to my friend's swim meet.
Wow.
I’d never been to one. (Yeah to some people that must sound pitiful) It was really amazing! It’s really phenomenal what people can do in the water when they know what they are doing. Watching them reminded me of the sea lions on the coast, who can jet through to water with graceful ease. Really exciting to watch.
My friend, Robin (or Water Drop), is absolutely amazing. She is incredibly fast, coming in first place in every one of her heats. I already knew simply by looking at her that she is a talented swimmer, but I had know idea how fast, yet so elegant, she really is. In the water, she is like a mermaid of old sea tales; beautiful and able to navigate the waters with wonderful motions.
In between her laps, her sister, Rachel and I would sit and chill by the locker rooms and watch the other swimmers….and she would quickly point out who she thought the cutes guys were…but her picks seemed abnormally ugly to me…eh whatever. Anyway her sister is fun to be around; her ironic and sarcastic nature is catchy.
There was this guy there, a swimmer on Robin’s team, that I dubbed “Behemoth”; why? Because he was SIX FOOT TALL AND THREE TIMES MY WEIGHT IN SOLID MUSCLE!! It blew my mind how agile he was in the water despite his enormous size…and I just knew, with my ironic life, that I would SOMEHOW make him really really mad…in which case he would tear me into pieces. But thankfully it did not happen…for which I am thankful.
Anyway, I’m very proud of Robin, and very happy for her…for she has such a good time in the water. She’s won three metal thingies…and she’s going on to some other torment. I’m thinking I’ll watch her there as well; it’s quite interesting watching people (her) in the water.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Seeds in the Looking Glass
“The apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree.”
Children grow up to be just like their parents (or whoever takes care of them) by default.
Apple trees, they grow the same, they all look the same.
“Ugh…how dull sounding.”
Alright, that was my initial thought. However I was taking a walk the other day, and I came across a field filled with apple trees…it didn’t seem like an orchard because the trees were not growing in a uniform fashion. I liked it…I go back to read, write, or something.
Anyway, something caught my eye. Some of the apple trees were close by the other trees around them…so I’m assuming they were all “related” (but you know what “they” say when you “assume” something). In any case, even though each apple tree looked similar, they were all of them unique. They had their own patterns and scars…their own height and width. Time had affected each tree differently; they all had their own stories to tell. One had even burned down sometime in the past but was re-growing. They were all indeed different trees even if they did look quite similar.
Individual…they were all individuals.
I don’t like the thought of growing up to be similar to my parents. Honestly I’m taking steps so that does not happen. But the apple trees proved that children grow up slightly differently from their parents. Time affects everyone differently. The key is individuality. Being an individual means being different from the people constantly around you. If people maintain there individuality, they will be similar only to themselves.
……………
But that’s not going to happen of course. Because people are constantly influenced by other people. Even the individual apple trees looked similar to the other trees. No one can be completely separate……. However people can still be different in their own little ways. For that reason, never give up your individuality.
Children grow up to be just like their parents (or whoever takes care of them) by default.
Apple trees, they grow the same, they all look the same.
“Ugh…how dull sounding.”
Alright, that was my initial thought. However I was taking a walk the other day, and I came across a field filled with apple trees…it didn’t seem like an orchard because the trees were not growing in a uniform fashion. I liked it…I go back to read, write, or something.
Anyway, something caught my eye. Some of the apple trees were close by the other trees around them…so I’m assuming they were all “related” (but you know what “they” say when you “assume” something). In any case, even though each apple tree looked similar, they were all of them unique. They had their own patterns and scars…their own height and width. Time had affected each tree differently; they all had their own stories to tell. One had even burned down sometime in the past but was re-growing. They were all indeed different trees even if they did look quite similar.
Individual…they were all individuals.
I don’t like the thought of growing up to be similar to my parents. Honestly I’m taking steps so that does not happen. But the apple trees proved that children grow up slightly differently from their parents. Time affects everyone differently. The key is individuality. Being an individual means being different from the people constantly around you. If people maintain there individuality, they will be similar only to themselves.
……………
But that’s not going to happen of course. Because people are constantly influenced by other people. Even the individual apple trees looked similar to the other trees. No one can be completely separate……. However people can still be different in their own little ways. For that reason, never give up your individuality.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Memories....Ideas...ugh...
Drip
(drip drip drip)
(drip drip drip)
I remember…I remember coming to this place.
Coming here to hide from reality.
To hide from what I considered miserable and evil.
I ran away from everything and hid here in ignorance.
Isolated from everyone, and kept in the cold of selfishness.
But this is my choice.
It’s dark…so dark I can’t even see my own figure.
My form my shape, all is oblivious.
Nothing is seen so nothing can be judged as evil.
Knowledge and the light it spreads is vanquished here.
Staying in darkness, and kept unaware of my surroundings.
Content I am.
(drip)
There are no sounds…all is quiet here in my refuge.
In this black day no sounds echo forth.
Nothing is ever heard so I must be alone.
Beautiful songs are never in the air in my palace.
Nothing is heard, then none of it matters.
Only the sound of my thoughts.
I don’t know…really how large my palace is.
It is vast and seemingly endless.
No walls can be found or a roof at all.
There are no stairs of progress as ignorance would need none.
No plants to feel and pick in pleasure.
Only water is felt at times.
……drip……
That sound…I heard a sound.
Of distant water flowing somewhere in my palace.
Water, it drips ripples and pours.
But what does the water flow from?
No stones or even matter for the water to flow on.
Where is this water?
My imagination…is it not bound by ignorance?
That must be it, my imagination.
But no I feel water at times, water in a sea of nothingness.
Where is it, where is this noise coming from?
This water can’t be real there is nothing else here in my refuge!
My imagination my mind where is this water coming from?
drip drip drip
This can’t be…the blackness is closing in!
My refuge is collapsing around me!
This dampness, this sound it’s everywhere!
I can feel it, I can hear it, it’s falling on me!
If this is my imagination, my mind I control you!
Listen to me!
My breath…I can’t breath in this black ocean!
The space, the space it gone!
I can’t move, what’s going on!? Why mind why!?
It was MY decision to hide from everything!
Why are you doing this to me!?
I can’t move, help me!
…drip………………………………..................
Stop it…stop it now!
Ever heart beat every blink of my eyes, they are all happening slowly before me!
Black walls of my world are smashed together!
No stop that infernal dripping!!!
Dripping dripping dripping that’s all I can hear now!
That echo!
This is ….this is my world of security!
You can’t do this to me mind!
You’re still my mind so am I doing this to myself??
My own retribution for closing my mind to the world??
Stop the dripping STOP!!!
…………..My……………wor-
...drip……………………………….......................……I……..remember……..
I woke up one day…and took a good look around through the window of inquiry.
I saw all the world’s evils all of the hatred and despair.
I decided to stop learning of things of this world and run away from reality.
That started everything…or rather that started my demise.
Ignorance and loneliness drove me mad.
Deep down I hated myself for such an action.
My ignorant and selfish mind is killing me.
………………………………...........
beep…beep…beep…beep
Bright light…
My body…my form…sore from struggling…alive?
Defined walls…and a ceiling…white sheets
A sink…dripping with water.
I hate hospitals.
I want to look out the window.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Her name is -
To MY Sister
What if you could turn back time?
Undo all the terrible things in your life.
Do you blame yourself for all that has transpired…
Or do you simply hurt because of the choices of others?
Do you dive deep into your soul trying to find answers to their deeds?
Don’t hurt yourself over their account.
You’ll only bleed onto broken picture frames.
You want mama, big brother back home…
Into your arms to tell them of how you are growing up.
Do you look for them where ever you might be?
Don’t follow them in order to find them.
You’ll only kiss the cold stone of nothingness as well.
Will you forever morn your loss…
Or will you end everything to be free of such a burden?
Do you still cry every night over their choices to leave?
Sorry little sister, you love them, but I hate them.
For leaving you and brother and big sister and papa too.
I hate, and yet love them even still…
Though I do not know why, they still touch my heart.
Am I cursed with memories of people I love; I wonder if they even still love me?
Don’t cry; don’t cry anymore little sister.
Remember the acorns, the leave, the water drops, and the grass blades?
Nothing in life is ever easy…
But you can move forward without the troubles of yesterday.
I’m still here…so is big sister, brother, and papa.
Don’t cry anymore little sister.
You’re friends and family still love you.
Nothing can take the place of mama and big brother…
But you will still feel true love from the ones around you…
The ones who love and support you
Don’t you know who you are and what you mean to us…to me?
You’re loving and kind and humble and you’re growing up to be quite beautiful.
Small adorable figure, kind gentle heart…
Cherish yourself…for you are someone special.
Believe in yourself, because you are strong.
Don’t cry anymore little sister.
You can only grow and move forward now…
Become stronger from you hurting.
Free yourself from the chains of despair and embrace your true family.
Please, smile at your future; your future with all those who love you.
Don’t cry. I love you.
What if you could turn back time?
Undo all the terrible things in your life.
Do you blame yourself for all that has transpired…
Or do you simply hurt because of the choices of others?
Do you dive deep into your soul trying to find answers to their deeds?
Don’t hurt yourself over their account.
You’ll only bleed onto broken picture frames.
You want mama, big brother back home…
Into your arms to tell them of how you are growing up.
Do you look for them where ever you might be?
Don’t follow them in order to find them.
You’ll only kiss the cold stone of nothingness as well.
Will you forever morn your loss…
Or will you end everything to be free of such a burden?
Do you still cry every night over their choices to leave?
Sorry little sister, you love them, but I hate them.
For leaving you and brother and big sister and papa too.
I hate, and yet love them even still…
Though I do not know why, they still touch my heart.
Am I cursed with memories of people I love; I wonder if they even still love me?
Don’t cry; don’t cry anymore little sister.
Remember the acorns, the leave, the water drops, and the grass blades?
Nothing in life is ever easy…
But you can move forward without the troubles of yesterday.
I’m still here…so is big sister, brother, and papa.
Don’t cry anymore little sister.
You’re friends and family still love you.
Nothing can take the place of mama and big brother…
But you will still feel true love from the ones around you…
The ones who love and support you
Don’t you know who you are and what you mean to us…to me?
You’re loving and kind and humble and you’re growing up to be quite beautiful.
Small adorable figure, kind gentle heart…
Cherish yourself…for you are someone special.
Believe in yourself, because you are strong.
Don’t cry anymore little sister.
You can only grow and move forward now…
Become stronger from you hurting.
Free yourself from the chains of despair and embrace your true family.
Please, smile at your future; your future with all those who love you.
Don’t cry. I love you.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Silly poet, politics are for the wise
don’t care much for politics…nor politicians.
I don’t put much (if any) stock in man made governments…
But those aside, I live in a man made government.
Run by none other that politicians.
But don’t get me wrong. I like living here.
I respect the laws of society, and do what I can to contribute as a good citizen.
And I believe the U.S. Constitution is an amazing document.
The Constitution was built upon idealistic ideas.
Those ideas are timeless in this world.
But the truth is, this world is not ideal.
The people who live under the guidance of the Constitution are not perfect.
(I also think a supposed “Separation of Church and State” is funny…seeing as how politics is always flirting with religion.)
I was thinking (yeah I do that I occasion): fighting…fighting in another nation across the ocean…for the purpose of “rebuilding and protecting the newly rebuilt nation”. Ok, sounds great. But wait a minute, what about domestic issues? Welfare, unemployment…shouldn’t those be taken care of as well? Instead of piling billions into war, take some of that and use it for domestic purposes.….
The attacks of September 11, 2001 shocked the government…primarily because the U.S. had never before had an attack on the homeland. Naturally the feds were going to take action to try to prevent that sort of thing again. That action was to invade the Middle East where the terrorists were suppose to be. Iraq was a target because Saddam Hussein was allegedly housing weapons of mass destruction.
U.S. troops were sent, Iraq’s government was rebuilt, Saddam Hussein was captured, no weapons, very few terrorists. If the job was to fix Iraq, it seems as though the job is done…so why are U.S. troops still over seas? Why are tax dollars going to support a war effort? What’s with this vendetta? With a crumbling economy and such, shouldn’t the government try to fix its own problems before it tries to fix others?
Don’t get me wrong I enjoy helping people..…
It seems that the nation should try to find a way to fix its own failing economy….with that fixed, it could better help other nations.
But I’m only a teenager, what do I know?……………………and I try my best to be neutral when it comes to politics.
In any case, I’m sure you’ve all heard this a million times before, so my words must sound cliché.…
Oh well, I’m in a bad mood thanks to all the economic research I had to do for my Government class final and I needed to get it out of my system somehow.
Later.
I don’t put much (if any) stock in man made governments…
But those aside, I live in a man made government.
Run by none other that politicians.
But don’t get me wrong. I like living here.
I respect the laws of society, and do what I can to contribute as a good citizen.
And I believe the U.S. Constitution is an amazing document.
The Constitution was built upon idealistic ideas.
Those ideas are timeless in this world.
But the truth is, this world is not ideal.
The people who live under the guidance of the Constitution are not perfect.
(I also think a supposed “Separation of Church and State” is funny…seeing as how politics is always flirting with religion.)
I was thinking (yeah I do that I occasion): fighting…fighting in another nation across the ocean…for the purpose of “rebuilding and protecting the newly rebuilt nation”. Ok, sounds great. But wait a minute, what about domestic issues? Welfare, unemployment…shouldn’t those be taken care of as well? Instead of piling billions into war, take some of that and use it for domestic purposes.….
The attacks of September 11, 2001 shocked the government…primarily because the U.S. had never before had an attack on the homeland. Naturally the feds were going to take action to try to prevent that sort of thing again. That action was to invade the Middle East where the terrorists were suppose to be. Iraq was a target because Saddam Hussein was allegedly housing weapons of mass destruction.
U.S. troops were sent, Iraq’s government was rebuilt, Saddam Hussein was captured, no weapons, very few terrorists. If the job was to fix Iraq, it seems as though the job is done…so why are U.S. troops still over seas? Why are tax dollars going to support a war effort? What’s with this vendetta? With a crumbling economy and such, shouldn’t the government try to fix its own problems before it tries to fix others?
Don’t get me wrong I enjoy helping people..…
It seems that the nation should try to find a way to fix its own failing economy….with that fixed, it could better help other nations.
But I’m only a teenager, what do I know?……………………and I try my best to be neutral when it comes to politics.
In any case, I’m sure you’ve all heard this a million times before, so my words must sound cliché.…
Oh well, I’m in a bad mood thanks to all the economic research I had to do for my Government class final and I needed to get it out of my system somehow.
Later.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Ideology in Another
Reality: the concept of what is….
Ideology : what one considers ideal…what one truly desires.
Is it wrong to want what is ideal? (what really is ideal?) Of course not. To obtain what is ideal, humans must work to reach their goals…the world is not going to change itself. Humans accomplish nothing by simply thinking but never acting on their thoughts. This is simple cause and effect. Cause: ideal thought. Effect: working to reach your ideal conditions.
To strive for what is ideal…for what is desired. The world won’t change to fit the ideologies of people. Wake up to that simple fact…or that fact will simply manifest itself within you until you acknowledge it.
A friend of mine, she is scared and unsure herself…stressed….(I’m basically the same way right now….) We spent some time together yesterday. She is a dear friend, someone I trust…she looks at me in the same light. Without a word and only a gaze, we embraced and kissed for a long time…..(have no idea for how long.)
What this the action needed to reach our true desires? Was this the effect of a craving for ideal conditions? Or was this merely two different hormones calling to each other? A craving for the touch of someone? Or maybe just a call for comfort from our depressed hearts? Perhaps the hormones created the ideal solution…? …Hormones made a touch the ideal condition….?
Something entirely different: love between two people?
…..ugh I’m not even going to try to write about love…..to damn complicated.
Ideologies…hormones…a need for comfort…love…..all factors in a single event.
…….I think to much……….(but sometimes my thinking pays off)
In any case…my point is simple: Reality is not always ideal…but at times it can be.
P.S. I don’t kiss just anyone…that’s not mt style
Ideology : what one considers ideal…what one truly desires.
Is it wrong to want what is ideal? (what really is ideal?) Of course not. To obtain what is ideal, humans must work to reach their goals…the world is not going to change itself. Humans accomplish nothing by simply thinking but never acting on their thoughts. This is simple cause and effect. Cause: ideal thought. Effect: working to reach your ideal conditions.
To strive for what is ideal…for what is desired. The world won’t change to fit the ideologies of people. Wake up to that simple fact…or that fact will simply manifest itself within you until you acknowledge it.
A friend of mine, she is scared and unsure herself…stressed….(I’m basically the same way right now….) We spent some time together yesterday. She is a dear friend, someone I trust…she looks at me in the same light. Without a word and only a gaze, we embraced and kissed for a long time…..(have no idea for how long.)
What this the action needed to reach our true desires? Was this the effect of a craving for ideal conditions? Or was this merely two different hormones calling to each other? A craving for the touch of someone? Or maybe just a call for comfort from our depressed hearts? Perhaps the hormones created the ideal solution…? …Hormones made a touch the ideal condition….?
Something entirely different: love between two people?
…..ugh I’m not even going to try to write about love…..to damn complicated.
Ideologies…hormones…a need for comfort…love…..all factors in a single event.
…….I think to much……….(but sometimes my thinking pays off)
In any case…my point is simple: Reality is not always ideal…but at times it can be.
P.S. I don’t kiss just anyone…that’s not mt style
Monday, November 24, 2008
Final
Only small changes...but needed ones I think.
Dormant Memories Restored by Determination
I sat.
In a valley just over the mountains.
A dry valley with one small river running through it strait from the tallest mountain.
The glistening water just north of me was the only sign of life.
The only sign of hope for the dry valley.
I looked.
At the desolate cemetery.
A cemetery in the center of the dry valley just to the south of the tallest mountain.
The large monument of the cemetery was the only sign of humanity.
The only tall place for the dry valley.
I sat.
I sat on a rock just to the left of the monument.
Looking right at the river of hope.
The glistening water was gone.
Only the monument stood; a memory of misery.
I stood.
I walked away toward the south where more nothingness lay.
CLAP CLAP CLAP just like thunder came from the north.
I looked back a the river; at hope…as I looked the river seemed to drift farther away.
CLAP CLAP CLAP
I heard.
I heard the clapping.
Louder, closer CLAP CLAP CLAP; the march of thousands of people.
The northern sky grew dark; the monument grew taller to reach the heavens; the mountain erupted in fiery anger lighting the entire valley in flame.
A crash like waves of the ocean filled the air; the voices of thousands of people who in unison proclaimed:
“Do you know me?
I am you. The you you never knew.
I am the embodiment of all you hatred; of all you fear; of all you suffering.
I am your reflection; your fellow self!
We’ve met; we’ve met many times.
You never saw me though; you were to blinded by your selfishness.
You were to afraid to open your eyes to reality!
You never once took the time to clear your mind; to see me for who I really am!
I am the one who has been beaten by prejudice.
I am the wrongfully imprisoned.
I am the one who’s family was separated and taken away.
I am the one you fear out of your own ignorance and stupidity!
You always hurt me; you have never loved me!
And in your arrogance you never acknowledged that you were hurting yourself!
You never acknowledged it, but some where you knew your crimes.
Look! Look at that monument! That is your self-hate! Your guilt!
Do you know what I stand for?
Do you know my story of misery?
Do you have the slightest clue of what you have done to me?
DO YOU CARE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING IN A MIRROR AT YOURSELF AS WELL?
I AM HUMANITY!
I AM ALL THOSE WHO HAVE EVER BEEN HATED; WHO HAVE EVER BEEN PERSECUTED; WHO HAVE EVER BEEN DISCRIMINATED AGAINST!
I AM ALL WHO HAVE CRIED UPON DEAF EARS!
I AM EVERYONE INCLUDING YOURSELF!
EVERYONE!
LOOK AT THE MIRROR YOU FOOLS!
YOU’RE SUFFERING TOO!
EVERY TIME YOU PERSECUTE ME YOU STAB YOURSELF !
LOOK AT THE REALITY OF YOU CRIMES!
LOOK AT IT!
LOOK AT IT!
LOOK AT IT!
TRUTH!
YOUR FEAR BLINDS YOU!
DON’T BE A FOOL AVOIDING THE TRUTH!
LOOK AT IT!”
(CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP clap clap clap tap…tap…tap tap tap…)
I felt.
The gentle touch of rain.
Cool rain that quenched the fires of the mountain; that returned the monument back to its original hieght.
Light broke through the clouded skies.
The river flowed with water again.
The valley spouted plants.
Tall mighty trees grew along the banks of the river.
Flowers grew around the monument.
All was green in the valley.
The valley lived, filled with restored knowledge.
I turned southward again; and started walking toward possible nothingness.
Dormant Memories Restored by Determination
I sat.
In a valley just over the mountains.
A dry valley with one small river running through it strait from the tallest mountain.
The glistening water just north of me was the only sign of life.
The only sign of hope for the dry valley.
I looked.
At the desolate cemetery.
A cemetery in the center of the dry valley just to the south of the tallest mountain.
The large monument of the cemetery was the only sign of humanity.
The only tall place for the dry valley.
I sat.
I sat on a rock just to the left of the monument.
Looking right at the river of hope.
The glistening water was gone.
Only the monument stood; a memory of misery.
I stood.
I walked away toward the south where more nothingness lay.
CLAP CLAP CLAP just like thunder came from the north.
I looked back a the river; at hope…as I looked the river seemed to drift farther away.
CLAP CLAP CLAP
I heard.
I heard the clapping.
Louder, closer CLAP CLAP CLAP; the march of thousands of people.
The northern sky grew dark; the monument grew taller to reach the heavens; the mountain erupted in fiery anger lighting the entire valley in flame.
A crash like waves of the ocean filled the air; the voices of thousands of people who in unison proclaimed:
“Do you know me?
I am you. The you you never knew.
I am the embodiment of all you hatred; of all you fear; of all you suffering.
I am your reflection; your fellow self!
We’ve met; we’ve met many times.
You never saw me though; you were to blinded by your selfishness.
You were to afraid to open your eyes to reality!
You never once took the time to clear your mind; to see me for who I really am!
I am the one who has been beaten by prejudice.
I am the wrongfully imprisoned.
I am the one who’s family was separated and taken away.
I am the one you fear out of your own ignorance and stupidity!
You always hurt me; you have never loved me!
And in your arrogance you never acknowledged that you were hurting yourself!
You never acknowledged it, but some where you knew your crimes.
Look! Look at that monument! That is your self-hate! Your guilt!
Do you know what I stand for?
Do you know my story of misery?
Do you have the slightest clue of what you have done to me?
DO YOU CARE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING IN A MIRROR AT YOURSELF AS WELL?
I AM HUMANITY!
I AM ALL THOSE WHO HAVE EVER BEEN HATED; WHO HAVE EVER BEEN PERSECUTED; WHO HAVE EVER BEEN DISCRIMINATED AGAINST!
I AM ALL WHO HAVE CRIED UPON DEAF EARS!
I AM EVERYONE INCLUDING YOURSELF!
EVERYONE!
LOOK AT THE MIRROR YOU FOOLS!
YOU’RE SUFFERING TOO!
EVERY TIME YOU PERSECUTE ME YOU STAB YOURSELF !
LOOK AT THE REALITY OF YOU CRIMES!
LOOK AT IT!
LOOK AT IT!
LOOK AT IT!
TRUTH!
YOUR FEAR BLINDS YOU!
DON’T BE A FOOL AVOIDING THE TRUTH!
LOOK AT IT!”
(CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP clap clap clap tap…tap…tap tap tap…)
I felt.
The gentle touch of rain.
Cool rain that quenched the fires of the mountain; that returned the monument back to its original hieght.
Light broke through the clouded skies.
The river flowed with water again.
The valley spouted plants.
Tall mighty trees grew along the banks of the river.
Flowers grew around the monument.
All was green in the valley.
The valley lived, filled with restored knowledge.
I turned southward again; and started walking toward possible nothingness.
Draft...or maybe final
Dormant Memories Restored by Determination
I sat.
In a valley just over the mountains.
A dry valley with one small river running through it strait from the tallest mountain.
The glistening water just north of me was the only sign of life.
The only sign of hope for the dry valley.
I looked.
At the desolate cemetery.
A cemetery in the center of the dry valley just to the south of the tallest mountain.
The large monument of the cemetery was the only sign of humanity.
The only tall place for the dry valley.
I sat.
I sat on a rock just to the left of the monument.
Looking right at the river of hope.
The glistening water was gone.
Only the monument stood; a memory of misery.
I stood.
I walked away toward the south where more nothingness lay.
CLAP CLAP CLAP just like thunder came from the north.
I looked back a the river; at hope…as I looked the river seemed to drift farther away.
CLAP CLAP CLAP
I heard.
I heard the clapping.
Louder, closer CLAP CLAP CLAP; the march of thousands of people.
The northern sky grew dark; the monument grew taller to reach the heavens; the mountain erupted in fiery anger lighting the entire valley in flame.
A crash like waves of the ocean filled the air; the voices of thousands of people who in unison proclaimed:
“Do you know me?
I am you. The you you never knew.
I am the embodiment of all you hatred; of all you fear; of all you suffering.
I am your reflection; your fellow self!
We’ve met; we’ve met many times.
You never saw me though; you were to blinded by your selfishness.
You were to afraid to open your eyes to reality!
You never once took the time to clear your mind; to see me for who I really am!
I am the one who has been beaten by prejudice.
I am the wrongfully imprisoned.
I am the person you ignored when I needed comfort the most!
I am the one you fear out of your own ignorance and stupidity!
You always hurt me; you have never loved me!
And in your arrogance you never acknowledged that you were hurting yourself!
You never acknowledged it, but some where you knew your crimes.
Look! Look at that monument! That is your self-hate! Your guilt!
Do you know what I stand for?
Do you know my story of misery?
Do you have the slightest clue of what you have done to me?
DO YOU CARE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING IN A MIRROR AT YOURSELF AS WELL?
I AM HUMANITY!
I AM ALL THOSE WHO HAVE EVER BEEN HATED; WHO HAVE EVER BEEN PERSECUTED; WHO HAVE EVER BEEN DISCRIMINATED AGAINST!
I AM ALL WHO HAVE CRIED UPON DEAF EARS!
I AM EVERYONE INCLUDING YOURSELF!
EVERYONE!
LOOK AT THE MIRROR YOU FOOLS!
YOU’RE SUFFERING TOO!
EVERY TIME YOU PERSECUTE ME YOU STAB YOURSELF !
LOOK AT THE REALITY OF YOU CRIMES!LOOK AT IT!
LOOK AT IT!
LOOK AT IT!
TRUTH!
YOUR FEAR BLINDS YOU!
DON’T BE A FOOL AVOIDING THE TRUTH!
LOOK AT IT!”
(CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP clap clap clap tap…tap…tap tap tap…)
I felt.
The gentle touch of rain.
Cool rain that quenched the fires of the mountain; that returned the monument back to its original hieght.
Light broke through the clouded skies.
The river flowed with water again.
The valley spouted plants.
Tall mighty trees grew along the banks of the river.
Flowers grew around the monument.
All was green in the valley.
The valley lived, filled with restored knowledge.
I turned southward; and started walking toward possible nothingness.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Manzanar
.....took a little trip today.I'll wright about it later..for now I'm really tired...
I will say: it was nice. I didn't even know this place existed until a few days ago......
Thursday, November 20, 2008
What Just Happened?
I know an old man…he is a friend of mine. Very recently..his little granddaughter was killed.
His “potential” “son-in-law” was babysitting for his daughter.
Sometime during the evening…he hit her head killing her.
She was only two
…
The little girls family decided to donate her organs for medical use (transplants and such).
Her little organs…were used and saved the lives of 5 other little children.
…
Typically I love irony……but I don’t know
His “potential” “son-in-law” was babysitting for his daughter.
Sometime during the evening…he hit her head killing her.
She was only two
…
The little girls family decided to donate her organs for medical use (transplants and such).
Her little organs…were used and saved the lives of 5 other little children.
…
Typically I love irony……but I don’t know
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Acorns
An oak tree. It’s a rather beautiful tree. Especially the incredibly old oak trees.
…yes it’s true, the old they become, the more gnarled they are….even so, they are beautiful nevertheless.
The funny thing…or perhaps interesting thing…is that these beautiful trees start from an acorn.
An acorn. It’s not very aesthetically pleasing. It’s small, bizarrely shaped, and is often eaten by some animal…not very majestic at all. However, the acorn has something going for it.
As soon as an acorn falls to the ground, it starts to bury itself into the earth. Some acorns are destroyed and crushed…but some survive and continue to grow.
But the acorn can’t just grow in any random way. For example: what would happen if it started to grow its trunk first with out any roots? The young tree would surely fall over.
No…the acorn sprouts roots first…roots that are strong and go deep into the earth. Once the seed is well grounded, a stem pierces through the surface. But even a young tree is not immune to dangers. Some are crushed or wither away. But still…some live on.
Yes…the survivors grow…become stronger…climb higher…dig deeper. Eventually…over time…an impressive, beautiful oak tree is present where an acorn once lay many years before.
An oak tree…just from one small acorn.
…perhaps acorns are majestic…
I like to think…that people are like acorns.
Haha, yes…just like little acorns.
Every one starts small…but people grow and develop over time.
Do not be afraid of being small. Take roots…learn…study….become knowledable. Do not be afraid to learn. Grow with each new idea…with each new thought. Grow with each step…with each flex of your muscles. Do not give up in the face of misery. I promise you…with time…you will be just as majestic as the mighty oak tree.
I live in a valley. In this valley…oak trees grow; the valley oaks. The oak trees here are protected by the state. One day (a few days ago) I was taking a walk and came across one of these oak trees. I sat under it and started thinking; looked down, and picked up an acorn…
…yes it’s true, the old they become, the more gnarled they are….even so, they are beautiful nevertheless.
The funny thing…or perhaps interesting thing…is that these beautiful trees start from an acorn.
An acorn. It’s not very aesthetically pleasing. It’s small, bizarrely shaped, and is often eaten by some animal…not very majestic at all. However, the acorn has something going for it.
As soon as an acorn falls to the ground, it starts to bury itself into the earth. Some acorns are destroyed and crushed…but some survive and continue to grow.
But the acorn can’t just grow in any random way. For example: what would happen if it started to grow its trunk first with out any roots? The young tree would surely fall over.
No…the acorn sprouts roots first…roots that are strong and go deep into the earth. Once the seed is well grounded, a stem pierces through the surface. But even a young tree is not immune to dangers. Some are crushed or wither away. But still…some live on.
Yes…the survivors grow…become stronger…climb higher…dig deeper. Eventually…over time…an impressive, beautiful oak tree is present where an acorn once lay many years before.
An oak tree…just from one small acorn.
…perhaps acorns are majestic…
I like to think…that people are like acorns.
Haha, yes…just like little acorns.
Every one starts small…but people grow and develop over time.
Do not be afraid of being small. Take roots…learn…study….become knowledable. Do not be afraid to learn. Grow with each new idea…with each new thought. Grow with each step…with each flex of your muscles. Do not give up in the face of misery. I promise you…with time…you will be just as majestic as the mighty oak tree.
I live in a valley. In this valley…oak trees grow; the valley oaks. The oak trees here are protected by the state. One day (a few days ago) I was taking a walk and came across one of these oak trees. I sat under it and started thinking; looked down, and picked up an acorn…
Thursday, November 13, 2008
It’s that time again
A friend from school asked me to design a logo for his band. “Axios Pharos” is the band name. Pharos was a light house constructed by Alexander the Great. So yeah an ancient lighthouse…easy enough to find references. Now what to sketch for “Axios”…I’ll have to do more research on the meaning of the word....
Steven
Eye Light
Watching him, is like watching someone running up the down esculator while mixing paints and eating breakfast. Yeah trippy. He is tall, very thin, has long brown hair, a scraggly beard, which he is very proud of, and he is always thinking of a hundred different things at once. He looks like a mop; a mop that has been used and turned upside down.
You can never understand Steven Garret just by looking at him; meaning you can not understand his thought process or his creative genius. You might think you understand him quickly because he is rather loud and seems to blurt out whatever come to his mind. However, that loud child-like figure is only one small side of Steven.
As soon as Steven picks up pastels or oil paints, he changes into a master worker. His expression and manner of speaking change and his blue eyes appear to radiate expressive light; when you see that light in his eyes, it is evident that his entire mind is active and focused. He creates images in his mind and makes tangible those images with his talented fingers and brush. Steadily, his work takes shape and his tense face relaxes; but his eyes still glow. After he is satisfied with his work, he reverts back to his oddball self, the side that fools everyone into thinking he has no purpose in life or practical talents.
For me, it is always a pleasure to be around Steven. He is most at home in art galleries, where he can display his work or look at the work of other local artists. Or at times he is tucked away somewhere isolated from other people. Why isolated? Haha, because he becomes easily irritated at the attitudes of most people. Where ever he may be, he is easy to spot; he towers above most everyone.
Steven is the most unique person I have ever met. Deep within his artistic, chaotic core, is a loving, caring friend. When I’m not feeling great, he is always available to help, always ready to talk and heal with words. And, when he is feeling crappy, he knows I’m around. We depend upon each other for comfort, and comedy relief. He is a bit strange at times, but perhaps being strange is merely a coping skill. We have done really ridiculous and pointless things together, like argue for hours over the difference between “brown” and “dark tan” or shouting out worthless nothings just to annoy people (annoy people, together we are good at that). It’s funny, he is the most unique person I have come across, and yet we are so much alike. He is by far one of the best and most trusted friends I have ever had.
Look around for him sometime; he and I will be laughing at something no one else gets. Jump in his truck for a ride; he will most likely take you on a Steve-tour (it’s like a detour only 200 times more rad). Or if you go to a art gallery, look for one of his paintings; they are kind of scary-looking. Who knows, he might just be there. Talk to him, he might actually talk back, depending on his mood of course. Observe and listen to him; you will start running up the down escalator with him. If Steven does not respond to you, or you feel that your conversation is going nowhere, hand him some paint and a brush, and as you do, look for a light in his eye. You will learn much more about Steven from that light than you ever will from words.
You can never understand Steven Garret just by looking at him; meaning you can not understand his thought process or his creative genius. You might think you understand him quickly because he is rather loud and seems to blurt out whatever come to his mind. However, that loud child-like figure is only one small side of Steven.
As soon as Steven picks up pastels or oil paints, he changes into a master worker. His expression and manner of speaking change and his blue eyes appear to radiate expressive light; when you see that light in his eyes, it is evident that his entire mind is active and focused. He creates images in his mind and makes tangible those images with his talented fingers and brush. Steadily, his work takes shape and his tense face relaxes; but his eyes still glow. After he is satisfied with his work, he reverts back to his oddball self, the side that fools everyone into thinking he has no purpose in life or practical talents.
For me, it is always a pleasure to be around Steven. He is most at home in art galleries, where he can display his work or look at the work of other local artists. Or at times he is tucked away somewhere isolated from other people. Why isolated? Haha, because he becomes easily irritated at the attitudes of most people. Where ever he may be, he is easy to spot; he towers above most everyone.
Steven is the most unique person I have ever met. Deep within his artistic, chaotic core, is a loving, caring friend. When I’m not feeling great, he is always available to help, always ready to talk and heal with words. And, when he is feeling crappy, he knows I’m around. We depend upon each other for comfort, and comedy relief. He is a bit strange at times, but perhaps being strange is merely a coping skill. We have done really ridiculous and pointless things together, like argue for hours over the difference between “brown” and “dark tan” or shouting out worthless nothings just to annoy people (annoy people, together we are good at that). It’s funny, he is the most unique person I have come across, and yet we are so much alike. He is by far one of the best and most trusted friends I have ever had.
Look around for him sometime; he and I will be laughing at something no one else gets. Jump in his truck for a ride; he will most likely take you on a Steve-tour (it’s like a detour only 200 times more rad). Or if you go to a art gallery, look for one of his paintings; they are kind of scary-looking. Who knows, he might just be there. Talk to him, he might actually talk back, depending on his mood of course. Observe and listen to him; you will start running up the down escalator with him. If Steven does not respond to you, or you feel that your conversation is going nowhere, hand him some paint and a brush, and as you do, look for a light in his eye. You will learn much more about Steven from that light than you ever will from words.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Amidst the chaos, a Joker appears
Alright, I decided to post something lighthearted: my current art project. Usually I would pick up my sketch pad and a few pencils…but this time I decided to try something new for me. A blade and colored paper. Yes, cutting paper of different colors to form an image. It’s a lot of fun; and it’s turning out better then I expected it to. I might try this technique again in the future…no I definitely will.…the only thing about paper cutting that I dislike, is using glue…it’s rather irritating.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Hands stained with Innocent Blood
I hate all holidays; I find them stupid and pointless.
So here is something different while all the kids are in their little costumes and so on and so forth.
Today in Government class, we, as a class, discussed foreign policies. This in turn led into the war in the Middle East. One child (I say child because even though he is almost 18, he shows no apparent ability to reason like an adult) proposed a plan to end the war. His plan was to:
“Fire numerous nuclear missiles into the counties of the Middle East. Thus eliminating the terrorist threat, and ending all other possible problems from that area.”
….what a minute……..
Is that reasoning just like a terrorist?
Think for a moment.
September 11, 2001. Religious extremist attacked a government they consider evil. And to a certain degree, they did succeed in attacking said government….And in the process, they killed uncounted innocent people who wanted nothing to do with their holy war.
By launching nuclear weapons into the Middle East, true, a few terrorists would be killed. However in the process, hundreds of thousands of innocent people who simply want to live their lives, who have morals similar to our own, would be killed in the process. "Possible problems"? People who are different, who's culture is different, does that alone make them problems? It's true, I do not agree with the way women are treated in the Middle East...but does that make the people problems? Differences...ha we look strange to "them" as well.
Do you see the parallels? In both cases, one particular group is targeted; but in the process, innocent blood is shed. If vengeance “must” be taken, do the lives of the innocent have to be taken as well?
Call me a fool, unpatriotic, or whatever the hell you can come up with. I do not care.
The innocent; do they really have to perish for the sins of all?
If there is any morality…any decency, I hope the answer is “No”.
So here is something different while all the kids are in their little costumes and so on and so forth.
Today in Government class, we, as a class, discussed foreign policies. This in turn led into the war in the Middle East. One child (I say child because even though he is almost 18, he shows no apparent ability to reason like an adult) proposed a plan to end the war. His plan was to:
“Fire numerous nuclear missiles into the counties of the Middle East. Thus eliminating the terrorist threat, and ending all other possible problems from that area.”
….what a minute……..
Is that reasoning just like a terrorist?
Think for a moment.
September 11, 2001. Religious extremist attacked a government they consider evil. And to a certain degree, they did succeed in attacking said government….And in the process, they killed uncounted innocent people who wanted nothing to do with their holy war.
By launching nuclear weapons into the Middle East, true, a few terrorists would be killed. However in the process, hundreds of thousands of innocent people who simply want to live their lives, who have morals similar to our own, would be killed in the process. "Possible problems"? People who are different, who's culture is different, does that alone make them problems? It's true, I do not agree with the way women are treated in the Middle East...but does that make the people problems? Differences...ha we look strange to "them" as well.
Do you see the parallels? In both cases, one particular group is targeted; but in the process, innocent blood is shed. If vengeance “must” be taken, do the lives of the innocent have to be taken as well?
Call me a fool, unpatriotic, or whatever the hell you can come up with. I do not care.
The innocent; do they really have to perish for the sins of all?
If there is any morality…any decency, I hope the answer is “No”.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
From the Dark
Another sleepless night.
Well then, typically I would be writing poetry, but as stated before, I’m feeling really uninspired.
Uninspired to write poems in any case.
Lets talk.
The nation. No no: the world. What do you see? Ha what do you want to see? Both simple questions; both with simple answers. You, or we rather, see misery, destruction, hell even anarchy. Imperfection.
Happiness, prosperity, stability; those are what we want to see. Then why do we not see those basic things in the world?
Humans are such funny creature. We have a mind; a mind with the ability to reason abstractly, to learn, to reflect, to love. Almost anything that can be imagined, can be created with modern technology. People imagine a perfect world; but THAT can not be created. No matter how hard we humans try, we will never have a perfect world.
Why? Do not all people desire a perfect world? Do not all people try to attain that? So why does it not work? Why is the world falling into nothingness? Why are people suffering? Why are people filled with hatred? People are such amazing creatures, yet with all that we have, we cannot attain a perfect world; we cannot attain perfection. We have such amazing emotions, yet the world is primarily filled with hate and misery.
Humans don’t have the ability to rule themselves. Humans don’t know how to create a perfect world. Don’t believe me? Look at history; look at the present. Despite all the “advances”, the world becomes worse every year.
This world is disgusting. It’s funny, without humans, the world would be perfect. Humans are simply destroying themselves; for the Earth is strong, it has the ability to grow and regenerate.
I hate this world, I want it to end.
I hate all the fools who are plunging this world into destruction.
I hate all the stupid people ignoring there ability to reason.
Think. You must think! If people would think more, perhaps the world would be better?
You are most likely thinking “think about what?”
I don’t have an answer to that.
I don’t know what to think about; I’m simply another flawed human.
Am I simply stating the obvious? Most likely, you could tell on your own how bad the world is.
Am I simply ranting and raving for no reason. Yeah.
Am I simply another stupid fool? Probably.
Well then, typically I would be writing poetry, but as stated before, I’m feeling really uninspired.
Uninspired to write poems in any case.
Lets talk.
The nation. No no: the world. What do you see? Ha what do you want to see? Both simple questions; both with simple answers. You, or we rather, see misery, destruction, hell even anarchy. Imperfection.
Happiness, prosperity, stability; those are what we want to see. Then why do we not see those basic things in the world?
Humans are such funny creature. We have a mind; a mind with the ability to reason abstractly, to learn, to reflect, to love. Almost anything that can be imagined, can be created with modern technology. People imagine a perfect world; but THAT can not be created. No matter how hard we humans try, we will never have a perfect world.
Why? Do not all people desire a perfect world? Do not all people try to attain that? So why does it not work? Why is the world falling into nothingness? Why are people suffering? Why are people filled with hatred? People are such amazing creatures, yet with all that we have, we cannot attain a perfect world; we cannot attain perfection. We have such amazing emotions, yet the world is primarily filled with hate and misery.
Humans don’t have the ability to rule themselves. Humans don’t know how to create a perfect world. Don’t believe me? Look at history; look at the present. Despite all the “advances”, the world becomes worse every year.
This world is disgusting. It’s funny, without humans, the world would be perfect. Humans are simply destroying themselves; for the Earth is strong, it has the ability to grow and regenerate.
I hate this world, I want it to end.
I hate all the fools who are plunging this world into destruction.
I hate all the stupid people ignoring there ability to reason.
Think. You must think! If people would think more, perhaps the world would be better?
You are most likely thinking “think about what?”
I don’t have an answer to that.
I don’t know what to think about; I’m simply another flawed human.
Am I simply stating the obvious? Most likely, you could tell on your own how bad the world is.
Am I simply ranting and raving for no reason. Yeah.
Am I simply another stupid fool? Probably.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Praying Mantis
Panoramic Vision
“I see you.”
“Oh really? And how can you? I am behind you?”
“Haha, I can see everything”
“No you can’t!”
“Yes I can; I have big green eyes!
No matter where you are, I will see you with my green eyes!”, said the Praying Mantis
That was our discussion; the discussion between the Praying Mantis and Myself
That was our discussion; the discussion that happened over 11 years ago
The peculiar insect held onto the rose branch
As I leaned to the right, those big green eyes turned to follow me
As I leaned to the left, those big green eyes turned to follow me
“Ha if I walk behind him, he won’t turn his neck all away around!” I thought
As I walk behind the peculiar insect, those green eyes were still watching me
Those small pupils were still visible, even from behind his head
“I see you.”
“Really? What if I’m under you?”
“Yep! I can see you there too!”
“How can you?”
“Easily! I have all seeing eyes!
No matter where you are, I will see you with my green eyes!” said the Praying Mantis
That was our discussion; the discussion between the Praying Mantis and Myself
That was our discussion; the discussion that made the Praying Mantis my favorite insect over 11 years ago
“I see you.”
“Oh really? And how can you? I am behind you?”
“Haha, I can see everything”
“No you can’t!”
“Yes I can; I have big green eyes!
No matter where you are, I will see you with my green eyes!”, said the Praying Mantis
That was our discussion; the discussion between the Praying Mantis and Myself
That was our discussion; the discussion that happened over 11 years ago
The peculiar insect held onto the rose branch
As I leaned to the right, those big green eyes turned to follow me
As I leaned to the left, those big green eyes turned to follow me
“Ha if I walk behind him, he won’t turn his neck all away around!” I thought
As I walk behind the peculiar insect, those green eyes were still watching me
Those small pupils were still visible, even from behind his head
“I see you.”
“Really? What if I’m under you?”
“Yep! I can see you there too!”
“How can you?”
“Easily! I have all seeing eyes!
No matter where you are, I will see you with my green eyes!” said the Praying Mantis
That was our discussion; the discussion between the Praying Mantis and Myself
That was our discussion; the discussion that made the Praying Mantis my favorite insect over 11 years ago
Poetry....ugh
Retrospect
Does the past really matter now?
I’m such a fool
A fool who believed a living lie
I wish I could turn back time, for everything that went wrong is my fault
But even if I could…
What would I do?
Wouldn’t I do the same things over again?
Wouldn’t I seek my own pleasure again?
Wouldn’t I go after her again?
Does my existence mean any thing?
I’m so selfish
So selfish to disregard the feelings of others
I wish no one really gave a damn about me, for then dying would be so easy
But even if no one did…
What would happen?
Wouldn’t I still try to be close to them?
Wouldn’t I long to be with them?
Wouldn’t I swallow that bottle of pills again?
I hate
I hate
I hate the world as it is
I hate all the stupid people in this world
I seem to thrive on my own hatred
No, that is not me; this undying hatred is not me
This is you, isn’t it Nadleeh?
This is you screaming in my mind again
If I could rid myself of you, find where in my mind you are hiding, I would destroy you
I hate
I hate you Nadleeh
Why have people I cared about died?
They were all so young
Where are you guys?
Why did you leave?
I need you
Why leave me here in this world alone?
A friend, she is moving on with her life.
Why can’t I do the same?
I feel so close to her, yet so distant
I feel so happy for her, yet hurt
All at the same time
Does this mean I can’t move on?
I’m so stupid
So stupid not to move forward with my life
I wish, I wish I could just let go of everything, be free of these feelings, move on…
What would I look for?
Wouldn’t I seek company again?
Wouldn’t I become emotionally attached to people again?
Wouldn’t I ruin everything again?
Why am I even still alive?
What purpose do I have?
I want, I want to move on
Let go…and move on
Let go of the past…and move on
Rid myself of these feelings…and move on
Everyone else is moving on, I must be behind the times
All I want, is to be happy
To move on
Does the past really matter now?
I’m such a fool
A fool who believed a living lie
I wish I could turn back time, for everything that went wrong is my fault
But even if I could…
What would I do?
Wouldn’t I do the same things over again?
Wouldn’t I seek my own pleasure again?
Wouldn’t I go after her again?
Does my existence mean any thing?
I’m so selfish
So selfish to disregard the feelings of others
I wish no one really gave a damn about me, for then dying would be so easy
But even if no one did…
What would happen?
Wouldn’t I still try to be close to them?
Wouldn’t I long to be with them?
Wouldn’t I swallow that bottle of pills again?
I hate
I hate
I hate the world as it is
I hate all the stupid people in this world
I seem to thrive on my own hatred
No, that is not me; this undying hatred is not me
This is you, isn’t it Nadleeh?
This is you screaming in my mind again
If I could rid myself of you, find where in my mind you are hiding, I would destroy you
I hate
I hate you Nadleeh
Why have people I cared about died?
They were all so young
Where are you guys?
Why did you leave?
I need you
Why leave me here in this world alone?
A friend, she is moving on with her life.
Why can’t I do the same?
I feel so close to her, yet so distant
I feel so happy for her, yet hurt
All at the same time
Does this mean I can’t move on?
I’m so stupid
So stupid not to move forward with my life
I wish, I wish I could just let go of everything, be free of these feelings, move on…
What would I look for?
Wouldn’t I seek company again?
Wouldn’t I become emotionally attached to people again?
Wouldn’t I ruin everything again?
Why am I even still alive?
What purpose do I have?
I want, I want to move on
Let go…and move on
Let go of the past…and move on
Rid myself of these feelings…and move on
Everyone else is moving on, I must be behind the times
All I want, is to be happy
To move on
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Tole Mour
Alright, I just posted a little review about my latest Tole trip (the blog just below this one), so I thought “hey, why not post some info on what we do on board”. The picture is the Tole Mour…nice aye?Honestly there is a lot of “stuff” happening in my life lately, so this is a little distraction. Normally I would write a poem, but I’m feeling really uninspired.
Anyway here are the things you do while on the Tole (and any other sailing ship)
- Set the sails (raise the sails)
- Strike the sails (lower the sails)
- Furl the sails (stow the sails while not in use so they wind does not damage them)
If you think working with the sails is easy, you are wrong. They are incredibly heavy (for cloth anyway)…it takes a lot of man power and coordination to get those sails up. Plus there are many…meaning you are constantly working…
- Clean the deck
- Clean the Galley and Mess (Kitchen and dining room)
And pretty much clean every other part of the ship as well….
- Learn basic knot tying (many knots are used all over the ship to hold lines [ropes] in place)
- Climb aloft
- Navigate through the open ocean
- Steer the ship
- Run routine inspections to ensure the ship is functioning properly
- Sing Sea Shanties (Singing kills time and ensure that everyone is working at the same pace)
Ok so the things listed so far are all ship-related tasks. This next list is of other activities performed during the trip
- Study marine biology in the ship’s lab
- Snorkel in the kelp forests of the Channel Islands
- Swim with sea lion pups
- Collect and handle marine animals (and release them later)
- Study the ocean’s role in the world scene (water cycle, wave dynamics, etc)
- Take hikes on the Channel Islands.
Every thing listed is bloody awesome. There are many other things that are done while sailing as well…but there is no need to list everything
Trippy list...would you not agree?
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Sailing
A few weeks ago, I again went sailing for five days on a ship called the Tole Mour. This trip was by far the best. For the first time, the high school trip was combine with the elementary school trip (because there was not enough high school interest). My frist thought was "crap...little kids", but it was great. Besides myself, there were three other high schoolers who had been on the ship before. We were signed on as "Junior Counselors" meaning, we were able to take the lead in activities. I was had been on the ship the most, meaning I had the most experienc (yeah!). There was quite an age difference among the students, from 6th graders all the way to seniors; mostly little kids from 6th to 8th grade. Honestly I had a blast teaching the kids; whether it be diving to show them marine life, tying knots on the deck, or simply making them laugh and having fun learning; 'twas all good.
A few of my friends were on board; and surprisingly enough, I made a few new ones. Also, I knew most of the ships standing crew; most notably is Scott, who I met in 8th grade during my first trip. About the 2nd day out, a girl in the 7th grade told me "You're like the older brother I never had." Being the sentimental fool that I am, my heart melted, and we became good friends; actually fooling some of crew into thinking we really were siblings (god I don't know how we look nothing alike...). My friend Molly at the last minute was able to go. I was absolutely thrilled she was able to. We were already good friends, but we became even closer...I trust her more now, and we are a little more open with each other. She is one of the few people I truly refer to as a friend.
There is so much to tell about...whether it be Chris and Luke with a guitar, Stephen making the kids laugh with his..."silliness", the bloody awesome guy with the nickname "Nacho Panda", the beauty of the ocean, or Molly's smile...all was right with the world. This trip I bonded with everyone more than I usually do. The crew, the students, we became a family...even if it was only for a short time.
A few of my friends were on board; and surprisingly enough, I made a few new ones. Also, I knew most of the ships standing crew; most notably is Scott, who I met in 8th grade during my first trip. About the 2nd day out, a girl in the 7th grade told me "You're like the older brother I never had." Being the sentimental fool that I am, my heart melted, and we became good friends; actually fooling some of crew into thinking we really were siblings (god I don't know how we look nothing alike...). My friend Molly at the last minute was able to go. I was absolutely thrilled she was able to. We were already good friends, but we became even closer...I trust her more now, and we are a little more open with each other. She is one of the few people I truly refer to as a friend.
There is so much to tell about...whether it be Chris and Luke with a guitar, Stephen making the kids laugh with his..."silliness", the bloody awesome guy with the nickname "Nacho Panda", the beauty of the ocean, or Molly's smile...all was right with the world. This trip I bonded with everyone more than I usually do. The crew, the students, we became a family...even if it was only for a short time.
I keep in touch with most of the students, we all live in the same city after all; well actually two cities that are pretty close by. They call me "Joe", for that is my name on board. I might post pictures later. The trip was increadible; I'll never forget the friends and the thrill.
‘Twas my fifth time sailing on the Tole Mour, and sadly my last. The company that owns the ship can no longer afford to maintain it, so the ship was sold. Sometime before the end of the year, the ship is sailing to Italy.
Bye Tole.
+Me(ocean+tan)+Elena(little+sister).JPG)
<- Molly (dear friend), Me (ocean tan), Elena ("little sister")Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Final Draft
Basically the same, with only minor changes.
Nadleeh
As I sat by the dry river bed, I gazed into the dry space; I dreamt
I dreamt of all the beautiful things in the world; but most of all I dreamt of the flowing river
A little girl walked close by and asked, “What are you looking at? The water is gone.”
“You’re right little one; the water is gone. But you see, I can still see the water nevertheless.”
“How? When the water is gone?”
“Is the water really gone? Or is that just your mind playing tricks on you?”
“Look! There is no water!”
“Tell me little one, do you know what a river looks like?”
“Yes.”
“Then, if you want to see the water, all you have to do is close your eyes.”
“Close my eyes?”
“Yes. If you think of a river, if you look around you, you can see the water by closing your eyes.”
As she sat by my side, she closed her eyes; she dreamt
She dreamt of all the beautiful fish in the river; but most of all she dreamt of the flowing water
A little thought came to her and she asked, “What else can I see?”
“What would you like to see? If you try hard enough, you can see anything.”
“Anything? I want to see the people I love.”
“Who do you love? I’m thinking your mother…or maybe your father? Am I right?”
“My papa is somewhere far without me; but, mamma died…”
“I see. I’m sure you remember what she looked like.”
“Yes.”
“Good girl. Now think of her, and close your little eyes again.”
“Will she really be there?”
“If you saw the sparkling, clear water, then you can see her.”
As we sat by the dry river bed, we dreamt of what mattered
We dreamt of fond memories, but most of all we dreamt of the people we loved
A little tear fell down her check, “I don’t wanna die mamma.”
“…You’re not going to die little one; don’t be afraid. Memories are not meant to kill you.”
“Why should I live when mamma is gone?”
“Mamma is gone; but you see, if you die too, who will carry her memory?”
“I’m afraid. I don‘t wanna be afraid!”
“Don’t be afraid little one. Memories are not the same as real life, but they can be as real as you make them. Can you remember her?”
“Yes.”
“Of course you can. Close your eyes little one, she will be there.
“I want mamma…”
“I know. Now don’t say a word, close your little eyes, and think about your mamma; she will be there in your memories.”
As she sat by the dry river bed, she cried; she dreamt of her mother
She dreamt of her mother’s gentle smile, but most of all she dreamt of her mother’s warm embrace
A little smile curved around her face and she cried, “I can feel you mamma!”
“You always will little one, as long as you cherish her memory.”
“But, what should I do now? Momma is still gone.”
“Mamma is gone, but ah, her memory is stored alive deep within your heart.”
“I’m still sad. I’m still afraid.”
“I know all to well. But wouldn’t mamma want you to grow, and be happy? Would she not want you smiling?”
“Yes.”
“You’re right. Yes she would. Love her memory as she loved you.”
“I want…”
“Don’t say anything at all. Instead, dream it. When you’re sad and afraid, think of mamma; dream and you can do anything. Close your little eyes and open your heart and the world will open up to you. You and mamma can again play in the river together."
As I opened my eyes, I saw the braches of a tree.
I sat up and saw the river bed filled with running, glimmering water.
“It was all a dream.”…until, I saw a little note folded in my hat.
“Thank you.
Nadleeh”
Nadleeh”
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Poem First Draft
Nadleeh
As I sat by the dry river bed, I gazed into the dry space; I dreamt
I dreamt of all the beautiful things in the world; but most of all I dreamt of the flowing river
A little girl walked close by and asked, “What are you looking at? The river is dry.”
“You’re right little one; the river is dry. But you see, I can still see the water never the less.”
“How? When the water is gone?”
“Is the water really gone? Or is that just your mind playing tricks on you?”
“Look! The water is dry!”
“Tell me little one, do you know what a river looks like?”
“Yes.”
“Then, if you want to see the water, all you have to do is close your eyes.”
“Close my eyes?”
“Yes. If you think of a river, if you look around you, you can see the water by closing your eyes.”
As she sat by my side, she closed her eyes; she dreamt
She dreamt of all the beautiful fish in the river; but most of all she dreamt of the flowing water
A little thought came to her and she asked, “What else can I see?”
“What would you like to see? If you try hard enough, you can see anything.”
“Anything? I want to see the people I love.”
“Who do you love? I’m thinking your mamma…or maybe your father? Am I right?”
“My papa is somewhere far without me; but, mamma died…”
“Well then I see. I’m sure you remember what she looked like.”
“Yes.”
“Good girl. Now think of her, and close your little eyes again.”
“Will she really be there?”
“If you saw the little silver fishes in the water, then you can see her.”
As we sat by the dry river bed, we dreamt of what mattered
We dreamt of fond memories, but most of all we dreamt of the people we loved
A little tear fell down her check, “I don’t wanna die mamma.”
“…You’re not going to die little one; don’t be afraid. Memories are not meant to kill you.”
“Why should I live when mamma is gone?”
“Mamma is gone; but you see, if you die too, who will carry her memory?”
“I’m afraid. I don‘t wanna be afraid!”
“Don’t be afraid little one. Memories are not the same as real life, but they can be as real as you make them. Can you remember her?”
“Yes.”
“Of course you can. Close your eyes little one, she will be there.
“I want mamma…”
“I know. Now don’t say a word, close your little eyes, and think about your mamma; she will be there in your memories.”
As she sat by the dry river bed, she cried; she dreamt of her mother
She dreamt of her mother’s gentle smile, but most of all she dreamt of her mother’s warm embrace
A little smile curved around her face and she cried, “I can feel you mamma!”
“You always will little one, as long as you cherish her memory.”
“But, what should I do now? Momma is still gone.”
“Mamma is gone, but ah, her memory is stored alive deep within your heart.”
“I’m still sad.”
“I know all to well. But wouldn’t mamma want you oto grow, and be happy? Would she not want you smiling?”
“Yes.”
“Yes she would. Love her memory as she loved you.”
“I want…”
“Don’t say anything at all. Instead, dream it. When you’re sad, think of mamma; dream and you can do anything. Close your little eyes and open your heart and the world will open up to you. You and mamma can again play in the river together.
As I opened my eyes, I saw the braches of a tree.
I sat up and saw the river bed filled with water.
“It was all a dream.”…until I saw a little note in my hat.
“Thank you. Nadleeh”
As I sat by the dry river bed, I gazed into the dry space; I dreamt
I dreamt of all the beautiful things in the world; but most of all I dreamt of the flowing river
A little girl walked close by and asked, “What are you looking at? The river is dry.”
“You’re right little one; the river is dry. But you see, I can still see the water never the less.”
“How? When the water is gone?”
“Is the water really gone? Or is that just your mind playing tricks on you?”
“Look! The water is dry!”
“Tell me little one, do you know what a river looks like?”
“Yes.”
“Then, if you want to see the water, all you have to do is close your eyes.”
“Close my eyes?”
“Yes. If you think of a river, if you look around you, you can see the water by closing your eyes.”
As she sat by my side, she closed her eyes; she dreamt
She dreamt of all the beautiful fish in the river; but most of all she dreamt of the flowing water
A little thought came to her and she asked, “What else can I see?”
“What would you like to see? If you try hard enough, you can see anything.”
“Anything? I want to see the people I love.”
“Who do you love? I’m thinking your mamma…or maybe your father? Am I right?”
“My papa is somewhere far without me; but, mamma died…”
“Well then I see. I’m sure you remember what she looked like.”
“Yes.”
“Good girl. Now think of her, and close your little eyes again.”
“Will she really be there?”
“If you saw the little silver fishes in the water, then you can see her.”
As we sat by the dry river bed, we dreamt of what mattered
We dreamt of fond memories, but most of all we dreamt of the people we loved
A little tear fell down her check, “I don’t wanna die mamma.”
“…You’re not going to die little one; don’t be afraid. Memories are not meant to kill you.”
“Why should I live when mamma is gone?”
“Mamma is gone; but you see, if you die too, who will carry her memory?”
“I’m afraid. I don‘t wanna be afraid!”
“Don’t be afraid little one. Memories are not the same as real life, but they can be as real as you make them. Can you remember her?”
“Yes.”
“Of course you can. Close your eyes little one, she will be there.
“I want mamma…”
“I know. Now don’t say a word, close your little eyes, and think about your mamma; she will be there in your memories.”
As she sat by the dry river bed, she cried; she dreamt of her mother
She dreamt of her mother’s gentle smile, but most of all she dreamt of her mother’s warm embrace
A little smile curved around her face and she cried, “I can feel you mamma!”
“You always will little one, as long as you cherish her memory.”
“But, what should I do now? Momma is still gone.”
“Mamma is gone, but ah, her memory is stored alive deep within your heart.”
“I’m still sad.”
“I know all to well. But wouldn’t mamma want you oto grow, and be happy? Would she not want you smiling?”
“Yes.”
“Yes she would. Love her memory as she loved you.”
“I want…”
“Don’t say anything at all. Instead, dream it. When you’re sad, think of mamma; dream and you can do anything. Close your little eyes and open your heart and the world will open up to you. You and mamma can again play in the river together.
As I opened my eyes, I saw the braches of a tree.
I sat up and saw the river bed filled with water.
“It was all a dream.”…until I saw a little note in my hat.
“Thank you. Nadleeh”
Thursday, August 21, 2008
愛
接吻
私は愛するシャイエンヌ…
私の風…
…しかし…
だれであるか。
だれであるか。
…その点では…
私はだれであるか。
私はだれであるか。
…
私達はだれであるか。
私達はだれであるか。
私はシャイエンヌ愛する
Kisses
As for me I love you Cheyenne...
My Wind...
...but...
Who are you?
Who are you?
...At this point in time…
Who am I?
Who am I?
...
Who are we?
Who are we?
I love you Cheyenne
I love Japanese script…it’s so beautiful.
私は愛するシャイエンヌ…
私の風…
…しかし…
だれであるか。
だれであるか。
…その点では…
私はだれであるか。
私はだれであるか。
…
私達はだれであるか。
私達はだれであるか。
私はシャイエンヌ愛する
Kisses
As for me I love you Cheyenne...
My Wind...
...but...
Who are you?
Who are you?
...At this point in time…
Who am I?
Who am I?
...
Who are we?
Who are we?
I love you Cheyenne
I love Japanese script…it’s so beautiful.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Day Lily
This is another note I wrote to my friend. But this is not the original. It was originally just to personal for anyone to read. So I edited for the “public“. I do not know you, but my words apply to you I'm sure. Hope you like it.
........day lilies...are beautiful........yes yes all flowers are beautiful..because of their colors and shapes...in some cases their scents...even their mother plant is sometimes beautifully shaped..and well..flowers are a creation of god..all of god's creations are beautiful.....for these reasons..(and i'm sure many more)..flowers..are beautiful..and it is always a pleasure to look upon them in awe...
..but day lilies..have another aspect of beauty.........each bloom of the plant..lasts only one day....the bloom is beautiful during the day…by night, the bloom is withered..the next morning..the shriveled pedals are laying on the ground under the original bloom..almost as if the plant was crying the night before.............
....each day lily is unique and beautiful..with its own little characteristics that make it different from the other day lilies.................the fact that each bloom lasts for such a short time..means they are to be cherished...it means that each flower..is very special.....that is why their beauty should NEVER be underestimated or taken for granted....
..it's true..it is sad..that the beautiful blooms fall away so quickly...........but there is hope....for the next day.......the plant produces another beautiful flower..and other unique, special bloom..with its own characteristics........that is to be cherished.....
............the flower is beautiful just as you are..the flower is unique from the other flowers just as you are unique from the other people.......the flower is to be cherished just as you are to be........
...it is true...there will be other people with characteristics very much like your’s....but just like the flowers..even though they are similar..each is unique............you are unique.........there are characteristics only you posses...the characteristics that make up part of your body and mind.........
....that is why..the flowers remind me of you.......
(I’m trying to say: You are unique and special. Cherish yourself.)
........day lilies...are beautiful........yes yes all flowers are beautiful..because of their colors and shapes...in some cases their scents...even their mother plant is sometimes beautifully shaped..and well..flowers are a creation of god..all of god's creations are beautiful.....for these reasons..(and i'm sure many more)..flowers..are beautiful..and it is always a pleasure to look upon them in awe...
..but day lilies..have another aspect of beauty.........each bloom of the plant..lasts only one day....the bloom is beautiful during the day…by night, the bloom is withered..the next morning..the shriveled pedals are laying on the ground under the original bloom..almost as if the plant was crying the night before.............
....each day lily is unique and beautiful..with its own little characteristics that make it different from the other day lilies.................the fact that each bloom lasts for such a short time..means they are to be cherished...it means that each flower..is very special.....that is why their beauty should NEVER be underestimated or taken for granted....
..it's true..it is sad..that the beautiful blooms fall away so quickly...........but there is hope....for the next day.......the plant produces another beautiful flower..and other unique, special bloom..with its own characteristics........that is to be cherished.....
............the flower is beautiful just as you are..the flower is unique from the other flowers just as you are unique from the other people.......the flower is to be cherished just as you are to be........
...it is true...there will be other people with characteristics very much like your’s....but just like the flowers..even though they are similar..each is unique............you are unique.........there are characteristics only you posses...the characteristics that make up part of your body and mind.........
....that is why..the flowers remind me of you.......
(I’m trying to say: You are unique and special. Cherish yourself.)
Thoughts....ugh
Incomplete Thoughts
It’s funny,
The passage of time.
It never halts.
No matter how much we try
No matter how much we want
Time never stops.
Moments pass
Feelings pass
Both, with the passage of time
People
Do I know these people?
Do they even know me?
It’s funny,
That we say we know people
That we form bonds with them
Yet we hardly know them
What even is a relationship?
What even is a bond?
Relationships change
Bonds change
Both, with the knowledge of people
Where am I?
What time is it?
Who are these people around me?
It’s funny,
That I am alive and yet do not have an answer to those simple questions
What is a clock?
You see,
Time is an abstract
Yet a clock, is tangible
Does a clock really say what time it is?
Who said so?
Is a clock a tangible definition of the abstract time?
If so, is that definition correct?
Who said so?
It’s funny,
That people automatically try to define abstracts
People
It’s funny,
That people are the only physical beings capable of expressing emotions, capable of thinking abstractly, capable of reasoning, capable of loving; yet humans hate so much, humans destroy so much.
I don’t completely understand people, but at least I have an answer as to why that is so...you most likely do as well
It’s funny,
That a mirror reflects only what is physical,
But not what is mental
Not what is spiritual
Not what is emotional
A mirror is not a true reflection
Only a small part of a whole is reflected
It’s funny,
That people are like grass
You see
If you look at grass as a collective whole
Grass is beautiful, yet all the blades look similar
But if you look closer
You see that each blade of grass is unique
Making it all the more beautiful
If you look at people as a collective whole
People are beautiful, yet all people look similar
But if you look closer
You see that each person is unique
Making that person all the more beautiful
But,
Grass is relatively simple;
People are not simple at all
I don’t claim to know why time never stops
I don’t claim to know whether a clock is accurate and correct
I don’t claim to know why a mirror is not a complete reflection
I don’t claim to know why people can be compared to something as simple as grass
I don’t claim to know who people are or what they mean;
Just as people do not know who I am or what I mean
I don’t claim to even know who I am or what I mean;
I hardly know;
You will hardly know
Despite all this,
I am here
And while I am here;
I shall try to find the answers to these unanswered questions
I shall love the people I have formed relationships with
Look for me in the grass;
Or in your reflection,
I’ll be near a clock.
It’s funny,
The passage of time.
It never halts.
No matter how much we try
No matter how much we want
Time never stops.
Moments pass
Feelings pass
Both, with the passage of time
People
Do I know these people?
Do they even know me?
It’s funny,
That we say we know people
That we form bonds with them
Yet we hardly know them
What even is a relationship?
What even is a bond?
Relationships change
Bonds change
Both, with the knowledge of people
Where am I?
What time is it?
Who are these people around me?
It’s funny,
That I am alive and yet do not have an answer to those simple questions
What is a clock?
You see,
Time is an abstract
Yet a clock, is tangible
Does a clock really say what time it is?
Who said so?
Is a clock a tangible definition of the abstract time?
If so, is that definition correct?
Who said so?
It’s funny,
That people automatically try to define abstracts
People
It’s funny,
That people are the only physical beings capable of expressing emotions, capable of thinking abstractly, capable of reasoning, capable of loving; yet humans hate so much, humans destroy so much.
I don’t completely understand people, but at least I have an answer as to why that is so...you most likely do as well
It’s funny,
That a mirror reflects only what is physical,
But not what is mental
Not what is spiritual
Not what is emotional
A mirror is not a true reflection
Only a small part of a whole is reflected
It’s funny,
That people are like grass
You see
If you look at grass as a collective whole
Grass is beautiful, yet all the blades look similar
But if you look closer
You see that each blade of grass is unique
Making it all the more beautiful
If you look at people as a collective whole
People are beautiful, yet all people look similar
But if you look closer
You see that each person is unique
Making that person all the more beautiful
But,
Grass is relatively simple;
People are not simple at all
I don’t claim to know why time never stops
I don’t claim to know whether a clock is accurate and correct
I don’t claim to know why a mirror is not a complete reflection
I don’t claim to know why people can be compared to something as simple as grass
I don’t claim to know who people are or what they mean;
Just as people do not know who I am or what I mean
I don’t claim to even know who I am or what I mean;
I hardly know;
You will hardly know
Despite all this,
I am here
And while I am here;
I shall try to find the answers to these unanswered questions
I shall love the people I have formed relationships with
Look for me in the grass;
Or in your reflection,
I’ll be near a clock.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Encouraging Idea (Hopefully)
I’m in a hotel in Oregon…and what can I say; I’m bored and not in the mood to talk directly with anyone AND I‘m not inspired to write anything really creative…so this silly little blog is the answer to my boredom.
…moving on…
I recently wrote this for a friend of mine…in attempt to give her a little hope, and to let her know that I’m thinking of her (we unfortunately don’t get to see each other that often). But I thought I would share and make it public, because this idea applies to anyone who is living through a chaotic, hard time.
It’s rather short, but I hope it’s meaningful to you.
....you know...we are like..small pools of water....
...typically...they are calm and still....but when a rock is thrown into them..they are agitated and disturbed...
....I'm sorry that I’m not 100% sure about you....but typically...I'm calm..isolated and lonely...but calm....
....apparently...we both have had situations like rocks thrown into our lives....and we are agitated and disturbed, and so much more, because of those rocks.....
...even though the small pools say agitated for a while....eventually..they calm back down...and are still and serene...
...the same is true of us....eventually...things will change for us....and serenity will take over...
...like the pools of water....
i just know it
…moving on…
I recently wrote this for a friend of mine…in attempt to give her a little hope, and to let her know that I’m thinking of her (we unfortunately don’t get to see each other that often). But I thought I would share and make it public, because this idea applies to anyone who is living through a chaotic, hard time.
It’s rather short, but I hope it’s meaningful to you.
....you know...we are like..small pools of water....
...typically...they are calm and still....but when a rock is thrown into them..they are agitated and disturbed...
....I'm sorry that I’m not 100% sure about you....but typically...I'm calm..isolated and lonely...but calm....
....apparently...we both have had situations like rocks thrown into our lives....and we are agitated and disturbed, and so much more, because of those rocks.....
...even though the small pools say agitated for a while....eventually..they calm back down...and are still and serene...
...the same is true of us....eventually...things will change for us....and serenity will take over...
...like the pools of water....
i just know it
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Inspiration
I cannot take credit for this; I can only take credit for the small edits I made. It feels strange to edit someone else’s work…but the edits make it more to my liking. In all, I love this poem. It expresses such amazing and beautiful abstract thoughts…thoughts I often think about.
P.S. I do not know who the original writer of this is...but this poem heavily affected my style and inspired me when I started writing.
Mountains. Heavy are the mountains, but that changes thru the passage of time.
Sky... Blue sky. What your eyes can't see. What your eyes can see.
Sun...There is only one.
Water... It is agreeable.
Flower... So many alike. So many without purpose.
Sky... Red, red sky. Red the color. Red the color I hate.
Water flowing. It drips ripples and pores.
Blood... The sent of blood. A woman who does not bleed.
From the red earth man comes.
Born of man and woman is Man.
Town... A human creation.
What is human? Are they creations of God?
Or that which is human?
The things I possess are my life and soul. I am a vessel for my heart.
Who is this? This is me.
Who am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I?
I am myself. This, that which is, is myself. That which is formed is me.
This is the me that can be seen, yet this feels as if this is not myself.
A strange feeling. It feels as if my body is melting.
I can no longer see myself. My shape my form.
I feel the presence of someone who is not me.
Who is there, beyond me here?
I know this person.
Others...
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?
P.S. I do not know who the original writer of this is...but this poem heavily affected my style and inspired me when I started writing.
Mountains. Heavy are the mountains, but that changes thru the passage of time.
Sky... Blue sky. What your eyes can't see. What your eyes can see.
Sun...There is only one.
Water... It is agreeable.
Flower... So many alike. So many without purpose.
Sky... Red, red sky. Red the color. Red the color I hate.
Water flowing. It drips ripples and pores.
Blood... The sent of blood. A woman who does not bleed.
From the red earth man comes.
Born of man and woman is Man.
Town... A human creation.
What is human? Are they creations of God?
Or that which is human?
The things I possess are my life and soul. I am a vessel for my heart.
Who is this? This is me.
Who am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I?
I am myself. This, that which is, is myself. That which is formed is me.
This is the me that can be seen, yet this feels as if this is not myself.
A strange feeling. It feels as if my body is melting.
I can no longer see myself. My shape my form.
I feel the presence of someone who is not me.
Who is there, beyond me here?
I know this person.
Others...
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Final Edit
A while ago I wrote a poem titled “Implosion”. This is the final edit of that poem. It's for a friend of mine.
Implosion before the Dream
Do we care for each other?
What defines love of friends?
Do we really care?
The walls of my mind are closing in
I feel a sensation of sadness surrounding my very core
Help me…
Help me release my mind from this self-made malice.
Where are the people I call friends?
Do they really exist?
Do I matter to them?
Do they really matter to me or am I deceptive?
Why do I feel this way; my mind is playing tricks on me
Show me…
Show me the way out of this stream of thought
Where am I going?
What does my mind want?
Do I really know?
My consciousness is crumbling apart
I am the only person who can truly change my perceptions
But still…
But still we can help each other live in this world
Do we know each other?
Has my mind imploded?
How…..?
I feel my heart melting away
This feeling of loneliness is crushing all that matters
I do…
I do not wish to live in pain because of emotional separation
Why do I think such things?
Where do such irrational thoughts take me?
Do I really believe myself?
My mind is collapsing from the stress
But I know the truths of friendship
I know…
I know are minds and hearts will remain together forever
Is this you who has opened my eyes?
Why have you stopped for me?
Is this my dream?
My heart is beating again because of you
Warmth from your body surrounds my entity enveloping my core
Your touch…
Your touch brings tender dreams to my mind amidst deceptive perceptions
Is this dream to become a reality?
Where are our hearts going?
Is this really the truth?
I wake up each morning now because of you
Thoughts of your personable soul flood my mind with a desire to dream
Hold me…
Hold me forever in this reality so we can both say: “I love you”
Implosion before the Dream
Do we care for each other?
What defines love of friends?
Do we really care?
The walls of my mind are closing in
I feel a sensation of sadness surrounding my very core
Help me…
Help me release my mind from this self-made malice.
Where are the people I call friends?
Do they really exist?
Do I matter to them?
Do they really matter to me or am I deceptive?
Why do I feel this way; my mind is playing tricks on me
Show me…
Show me the way out of this stream of thought
Where am I going?
What does my mind want?
Do I really know?
My consciousness is crumbling apart
I am the only person who can truly change my perceptions
But still…
But still we can help each other live in this world
Do we know each other?
Has my mind imploded?
How…..?
I feel my heart melting away
This feeling of loneliness is crushing all that matters
I do…
I do not wish to live in pain because of emotional separation
Why do I think such things?
Where do such irrational thoughts take me?
Do I really believe myself?
My mind is collapsing from the stress
But I know the truths of friendship
I know…
I know are minds and hearts will remain together forever
Is this you who has opened my eyes?
Why have you stopped for me?
Is this my dream?
My heart is beating again because of you
Warmth from your body surrounds my entity enveloping my core
Your touch…
Your touch brings tender dreams to my mind amidst deceptive perceptions
Is this dream to become a reality?
Where are our hearts going?
Is this really the truth?
I wake up each morning now because of you
Thoughts of your personable soul flood my mind with a desire to dream
Hold me…
Hold me forever in this reality so we can both say: “I love you”
Monday, August 11, 2008
New Vision
…For the past three years or so..my world has been collapsing. Well…I mean I have a good home…relatively a good family…and friends who love me and who I love in return.
…but you see…I have “mental issues” I shall say and many tragic things have happened over the years…so despite all of the good aspects of my life, I have still been going insane. So for the past few years…all of my stress…all of my anxiety…all of my hatred…has been building up inside me…I finally snapped like never before about a week or so ago…I attempted suicide.
……….and o how I came so close to actually dying. I spent about a week in the hospital recovering…half of that time unconscious………..But as you can tell by the date…I am still alive…...........
…when I got back home from the hospital…a dear friend of mine came to visit...we are really close…I call her my “little sister”….she gave me a long hug, a kiss, and a little card she wrote…………my best friend Steven came by…and he told me, “As soon as you’re up and moving again…I’m gonna beat the hell out of you (for trying to kill yourself); you know that right?” haha that’s just like Steven…we have know each other for years…awesome guy…
...and a few other notable friends came by....
*sigh* I broke up with my girlfriend…and yes it hurt very much..because we are so very similar…almost like a mirror…we are so alike indeed…but maybe that’s why it can’t work out….you see we both can’t stand ourselves…so dating someone just like ourselves…you get the idea. We still talk…we are still friends…and I like it that way..I’m just to immature for a relationship of that sort right now…so we still love each other…as the best of friends…always nice to add a friend…
….my world is still collapsing….I’m still stressed out…I’m still saddened and depressed….yet at the same time…I’m happy to be alive….you see…there is beauty in this word…there is a loving God…there are many pages of text I still can read…there is warm sunshine…there are trees….there are the mountains and the oceans….there are many more good and beautiful things……and…I have people I love and can fall back on….I can see all of these things clearly now.
I’ll never try to kill myself again
…but you see…I have “mental issues” I shall say and many tragic things have happened over the years…so despite all of the good aspects of my life, I have still been going insane. So for the past few years…all of my stress…all of my anxiety…all of my hatred…has been building up inside me…I finally snapped like never before about a week or so ago…I attempted suicide.
……….and o how I came so close to actually dying. I spent about a week in the hospital recovering…half of that time unconscious………..But as you can tell by the date…I am still alive…...........
…when I got back home from the hospital…a dear friend of mine came to visit...we are really close…I call her my “little sister”….she gave me a long hug, a kiss, and a little card she wrote…………my best friend Steven came by…and he told me, “As soon as you’re up and moving again…I’m gonna beat the hell out of you (for trying to kill yourself); you know that right?” haha that’s just like Steven…we have know each other for years…awesome guy…
...and a few other notable friends came by....
*sigh* I broke up with my girlfriend…and yes it hurt very much..because we are so very similar…almost like a mirror…we are so alike indeed…but maybe that’s why it can’t work out….you see we both can’t stand ourselves…so dating someone just like ourselves…you get the idea. We still talk…we are still friends…and I like it that way..I’m just to immature for a relationship of that sort right now…so we still love each other…as the best of friends…always nice to add a friend…
….my world is still collapsing….I’m still stressed out…I’m still saddened and depressed….yet at the same time…I’m happy to be alive….you see…there is beauty in this word…there is a loving God…there are many pages of text I still can read…there is warm sunshine…there are trees….there are the mountains and the oceans….there are many more good and beautiful things……and…I have people I love and can fall back on….I can see all of these things clearly now.
I’ll never try to kill myself again
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Grass
I cannot remember when I wrote this short aritcle either...you know..I should probably start dating these things when I write them in my note book...
..grass is wonderful...
..grass is beautiful...
...as i lay in the cool grass..i began thinking...thinking about the fact that..maybe..grass is like people...
grass..it is a creation of god...there are many varieties of grass...but even so..grass is still grass....all grass blades look very similar..but if you look closely..you will see individual characteristics of each blade..if you look at grass..and feel grass..you will see that grass is beautiful..
people..they are creations of god..there are many races of people...but even so..people are still people...all people look very similar..but if you look closely..you will see individual characteristics of each person..if you look at people..and feel people..you will see that people are beautiful...
...see?..they are parallel.....in some dream-like light..grass is like people..people are like grass....if you can love grass..you can love people......if you can love people..you can love grass...
..as i lay in the cool grass...the warm sun shone down...the blue sky was alive with clouds..the breeze played with my hair and cloths and lips...this all soothed my sore body and mind...
..as i lay in the cool grass...i felt of the blades..smelt of earth...stroked the ocean of grass under me....i dreamed of grass..and of people the grass reminded me of........i cried..i cried because..all was well...i was content...i was happy....................i wish you could have been there..i with you could have felt the moment with me..i wish you could have felt of the grass..............................
..........you yourself..are a little, beautiful, tender blade of grass..............
...when you look at grass...see it's beauty...and know in your heart that you are beautiful just as the grass is
........i love grass................
..grass is wonderful...
..grass is beautiful...
...as i lay in the cool grass..i began thinking...thinking about the fact that..maybe..grass is like people...
grass..it is a creation of god...there are many varieties of grass...but even so..grass is still grass....all grass blades look very similar..but if you look closely..you will see individual characteristics of each blade..if you look at grass..and feel grass..you will see that grass is beautiful..
people..they are creations of god..there are many races of people...but even so..people are still people...all people look very similar..but if you look closely..you will see individual characteristics of each person..if you look at people..and feel people..you will see that people are beautiful...
...see?..they are parallel.....in some dream-like light..grass is like people..people are like grass....if you can love grass..you can love people......if you can love people..you can love grass...
..as i lay in the cool grass...the warm sun shone down...the blue sky was alive with clouds..the breeze played with my hair and cloths and lips...this all soothed my sore body and mind...
..as i lay in the cool grass...i felt of the blades..smelt of earth...stroked the ocean of grass under me....i dreamed of grass..and of people the grass reminded me of........i cried..i cried because..all was well...i was content...i was happy....................i wish you could have been there..i with you could have felt the moment with me..i wish you could have felt of the grass..............................
..........you yourself..are a little, beautiful, tender blade of grass..............
...when you look at grass...see it's beauty...and know in your heart that you are beautiful just as the grass is
........i love grass................
Water Drop
I cannot remember when i wrote this...probably about two months ago or so...i found it in my little note book.
..........a water drop.............
...the sound..of a water drop falling into a pool...the small soothing sound...water colliding with water...
...can you hear that drip?..can you hear that beautiful sound?
.........why is that beautiful?..why is that small short sound...beautiful?
...it is beautiful..for...the same reason moonlight is beautiful...the same reason little flowers in the grass are beautiful...the same reason nakedness is beautiful...the same reason little giggles of children are beautiful...and..the same reason the touch of another is beautiful...
...these things here mentioned are not extravagant..nor complicated..they are simple...................................
....the sound of a water drop in water is beautiful..because....it is simple...........simplicity is beauty.
.......it is true..there are many complicated things that are beautiful...so beauty is not simplicity...however..people who strive only for complication..thinking that extravagant mighty things are the only true beauties....are fools.....fools who over look the essence of what true beauty can be...
...........do not be afraid to take a good look around...do not be afraid to look for beauty in the humblest of places....for simplicity is everywhere you look....
...as complicated as the human body and mind is...even they have simple aspects......eye color...hair color...softness of skin...facial features (my personal favorite: "lips")...curves...organic shapes...actually, the shape and feel of one's entire body....basic emotions...likes and dislikes......a smile...a laugh...a tear drop............all of these traits are (or at least appear to be) simple....but they are beautiful..are they not?
...........do not be afraid to look at yourself......do not be afraid to see the beauty within yourself.....for simplicity..beauty..is everywhere you look
..................................and everywhere you look at yourself
..........a water drop.............
...the sound..of a water drop falling into a pool...the small soothing sound...water colliding with water...
...can you hear that drip?..can you hear that beautiful sound?
.........why is that beautiful?..why is that small short sound...beautiful?
...it is beautiful..for...the same reason moonlight is beautiful...the same reason little flowers in the grass are beautiful...the same reason nakedness is beautiful...the same reason little giggles of children are beautiful...and..the same reason the touch of another is beautiful...
...these things here mentioned are not extravagant..nor complicated..they are simple...................................
....the sound of a water drop in water is beautiful..because....it is simple...........simplicity is beauty.
.......it is true..there are many complicated things that are beautiful...so beauty is not simplicity...however..people who strive only for complication..thinking that extravagant mighty things are the only true beauties....are fools.....fools who over look the essence of what true beauty can be...
...........do not be afraid to take a good look around...do not be afraid to look for beauty in the humblest of places....for simplicity is everywhere you look....
...as complicated as the human body and mind is...even they have simple aspects......eye color...hair color...softness of skin...facial features (my personal favorite: "lips")...curves...organic shapes...actually, the shape and feel of one's entire body....basic emotions...likes and dislikes......a smile...a laugh...a tear drop............all of these traits are (or at least appear to be) simple....but they are beautiful..are they not?
...........do not be afraid to look at yourself......do not be afraid to see the beauty within yourself.....for simplicity..beauty..is everywhere you look
..................................and everywhere you look at yourself
Water
Personally I love water, and I think it very beautiful. This is not (in reality) the only reason i love water; this is merely a philosophical, abstract, dream-like reason for my love. This is another short aritcle that i wrote in my note book
…do you know why water is beautiful?........................haha, that’s right..water is beautiful……………………. because water is a creation of God..all of Jehovah’s creations are perfect and beautiful…it is a gift...because all of life depends on it..every aspect..every FUNCTION of life needs water...that's true..
……………….but when you look into a body of water what do you see?……...…………………….........
…ever since water has been on the Earth it has cycled …(through the ground.. through the sea.. through the sky in the clouds….then fallen in the rain).. so much so that water has touched entire world….in each atom of water there is a memory.. a memory of what that atom has touched…the world…
….it’s rather interesting…that people are made of water as well…blood..sweat.. tears.. seminal milk... they are all made of water…would it not make since then, that water holds the memories of all people?… what people see…what people enjoy…what people experience…what people love…are all remembered in the atoms of water…………………
…when you look into a body of water…you see the beauty and genius of Jehovah…you see memories of the entire planet…and the memories of all people…that is why water is beautiful……
…do you know why water is beautiful?........................haha, that’s right..water is beautiful……………………. because water is a creation of God..all of Jehovah’s creations are perfect and beautiful…it is a gift...because all of life depends on it..every aspect..every FUNCTION of life needs water...that's true..
……………….but when you look into a body of water what do you see?……...…………………….........
…ever since water has been on the Earth it has cycled …(through the ground.. through the sea.. through the sky in the clouds….then fallen in the rain).. so much so that water has touched entire world….in each atom of water there is a memory.. a memory of what that atom has touched…the world…
….it’s rather interesting…that people are made of water as well…blood..sweat.. tears.. seminal milk... they are all made of water…would it not make since then, that water holds the memories of all people?… what people see…what people enjoy…what people experience…what people love…are all remembered in the atoms of water…………………
…when you look into a body of water…you see the beauty and genius of Jehovah…you see memories of the entire planet…and the memories of all people…that is why water is beautiful……
Sphinx Moth
I actually wrote in this in my note book on 7/9/08
...................................i found a Sphinx Moth today...........................................................
..she landed on my front door...i couldn't just leave her there..for she was in direct sunlight..so she is now (or was) in the back yard on a wall of vines...by now she has most likely flown on...
.................there was something poetic and beautiful..yet sad about this moth..resting amongst the vine's leaves in the shade of the cedar trees......i watched her...and held her; cherished her...for a very long time...(couldn't get a decent picture of her in the vines though...grrrr)
...beauty..and living poetry..are all relative...even if that is true..what many people consider "beauty"..is not beautiful at all.......people turn their eyes away from true beauty and instead selfishly look to the flawed material things of this world...
............one aspect of beauty......is knowledge.....knowledge in turn..leads to truth....even if truth is beautiful..truth, the reality of this imperfect world, often is painful...that is why..(or at least..why i think) many people turn away from beauty: beauty can hurt...
....i wish you could have held this moth...she was truly beautiful.....seeing her..and holding her was poetic...but it was sad..because the truth is.................................................................she will die soon
................beauty...does not always hurt...in any situation..there is always hope........hope..is truth..
...even if some truths hurt..they are still beautiful.…
…..the reality of this imperfect world..the truth of it..hurts…but there is hope………one day in the future..Jehovah will step in..and make this world perfect…then..truth..reality..will no longer be painful….reality will be truly beautiful…
….the moth…the hope is…before she dies..she will lay eggs…those eggs…will become more beautiful sphinx moths.
...................................i found a Sphinx Moth today...........................................................
..she landed on my front door...i couldn't just leave her there..for she was in direct sunlight..so she is now (or was) in the back yard on a wall of vines...by now she has most likely flown on...
.................there was something poetic and beautiful..yet sad about this moth..resting amongst the vine's leaves in the shade of the cedar trees......i watched her...and held her; cherished her...for a very long time...(couldn't get a decent picture of her in the vines though...grrrr)
...beauty..and living poetry..are all relative...even if that is true..what many people consider "beauty"..is not beautiful at all.......people turn their eyes away from true beauty and instead selfishly look to the flawed material things of this world...
............one aspect of beauty......is knowledge.....knowledge in turn..leads to truth....even if truth is beautiful..truth, the reality of this imperfect world, often is painful...that is why..(or at least..why i think) many people turn away from beauty: beauty can hurt...
....i wish you could have held this moth...she was truly beautiful.....seeing her..and holding her was poetic...but it was sad..because the truth is.................................................................she will die soon
................beauty...does not always hurt...in any situation..there is always hope........hope..is truth..
...even if some truths hurt..they are still beautiful.…
…..the reality of this imperfect world..the truth of it..hurts…but there is hope………one day in the future..Jehovah will step in..and make this world perfect…then..truth..reality..will no longer be painful….reality will be truly beautiful…
….the moth…the hope is…before she dies..she will lay eggs…those eggs…will become more beautiful sphinx moths.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Yet Another
A girl named Jordan who goes to my school, liked my sketch Newly Remembered Dream. She asked me to sketch her a bird. Ok, sure sounds good. This is her sketch called Traveling Dove.My original idea was simply to have a dove in the center of the page. But, I liked how the dove turned out so I added to my idea. I really have come to like the moon and its drawn variations, so I added the same moon shape that my other recent sketch has. After completing the dove and the moon, I almost instantly hear the song Fly Me to the Moon in my mind. Good song, you should listen to it sometime.
As you can see, its not quite finished yet, but almost. I really hope she likes it…
Fin.
I think its done; wait, I know its done. I originally called this Newly Caught Love; well I'm changing it. Its new title is: Newly Remembered Dream. Why change the title? After thinking, I realized: you cannot catch love...yeah...grrr. But, you can remember love, and dreams of love.. Besides, there are music notes in it now; for me that kind of gave it a dream-like quality. If you can tell me what sheet music is sketched in, you get a cookie (that's right a cookie, again). I could tell you the meaning behind the sketch, but it would be more interesting if you interpreted it and found your own meaning. Let me know what you find.
I ended up giving it to a dear dear (really close) friend of mine…I call her Wind. (I don’t think you can make out my “legal” name…but “Joe” is one of the several names I go by)
Friday, May 16, 2008
Ah man…
No Title Until…Death
What are friends?
They are someone you can trust, someone who cares.
What is hope?
The belief of something good to come.
This world is full of nothing, no friends, no hope.
Does anyone care?
What is care?
The concern for someone other than yourself, for those who care.
What is love?
The emotion that cannot be explained.
This world if full of nothing, no care, no love.
I do not know.
What is Life?
The realization of living, of one’s expectance.
What is blood?
The liquid that drips ripples and pours inside.
This life is bleeding, is pleading, for what?
Blood trickles.
Nobody cares, nobody loves.
Nothing is worth the cost of living, of bleeding
I have nothing, but yet I have something, what?
Nothing matters anymore…
My friends, what friends, do I have anyone I can call a friend?
The people I thought were my friends, they do not seem to care…
The one I love, do I receive love back?
I cannot tell.
Do they love me?
Do I love them?
Do we bleed for nothing?
I try to love back, but I’m afraid they do not love me, want me…
I’m afraid they don’t care…
I want someone to talk to…
But no one wants to…
Nobody cares…
Not even the one I love…
Nobody…
What are friends?
They are someone you can trust, someone who cares.
What is hope?
The belief of something good to come.
This world is full of nothing, no friends, no hope.
Does anyone care?
What is care?
The concern for someone other than yourself, for those who care.
What is love?
The emotion that cannot be explained.
This world if full of nothing, no care, no love.
I do not know.
What is Life?
The realization of living, of one’s expectance.
What is blood?
The liquid that drips ripples and pours inside.
This life is bleeding, is pleading, for what?
Blood trickles.
Nobody cares, nobody loves.
Nothing is worth the cost of living, of bleeding
I have nothing, but yet I have something, what?
Nothing matters anymore…
My friends, what friends, do I have anyone I can call a friend?
The people I thought were my friends, they do not seem to care…
The one I love, do I receive love back?
I cannot tell.
Do they love me?
Do I love them?
Do we bleed for nothing?
I try to love back, but I’m afraid they do not love me, want me…
I’m afraid they don’t care…
I want someone to talk to…
But no one wants to…
Nobody cares…
Not even the one I love…
Nobody…
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
My Rhythmic Thinking
This is a stream of thought that was suppose to be a free-verse style poem. But I can never seem write without rhythm. I’m not sure yet, but I may go back and edit this later.
Figures of people
Do we care for each other?
What defines love of friends?
Do we really care?
The walls of my mind are closing in
I feel a sensation of sadness surrounding my very core
Help me
Help me release my mind from this self-made malice.
Implosion
Figures of people
Do we care for each other?
What defines love of friends?
Do we really care?
The walls of my mind are closing in
I feel a sensation of sadness surrounding my very core
Help me
Help me release my mind from this self-made malice.
Sensations of hopelessness
Where are the people I call friends?
Do they really exist?
Do I matter to them?
Do they really matter to me or am I deceptive?
Why do I feel this way; my mind is playing tricks on me
Show me
Show me the way out of this stream of thought
Where are the people I call friends?
Do they really exist?
Do I matter to them?
Do they really matter to me or am I deceptive?
Why do I feel this way; my mind is playing tricks on me
Show me
Show me the way out of this stream of thought
Interpretation of reality
Where am I going?
What does my mind want?
Do I really know?
My consciousness is crumbling apart
I am the only person who can truly change my perceptions
But still
But still we can help each other live in this world
Where am I going?
What does my mind want?
Do I really know?
My consciousness is crumbling apart
I am the only person who can truly change my perceptions
But still
But still we can help each other live in this world
Break of spirit
Do we know each other?
Has my mind imploded?
How…..?
I feel my heart melting away
This feeling of loneliness is crushing all that matters
I do
I do not wish to live in pain because of emotional separation.
Do we know each other?
Has my mind imploded?
How…..?
I feel my heart melting away
This feeling of loneliness is crushing all that matters
I do
I do not wish to live in pain because of emotional separation.
Thoughts of hope
Why do I think such things?
Where do such irrational thoughts take me?
Do I really believe myself?
My mind is collapsing from the stress
But I know the truths of friendship
I know
I know are minds and hearts will remain together forever
Why do I think such things?
Where do such irrational thoughts take me?
Do I really believe myself?
My mind is collapsing from the stress
But I know the truths of friendship
I know
I know are minds and hearts will remain together forever
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Almost Finished
I’ve been sketching for a while. But the first true sketching I ever did was in a place called Aurora Vista del Mar Hospital during my stay there about a year ago. Anyway, I digress. This is my latest piece (I have many “latest“ pieces, but this is the one I‘m working on the most) called Newly Caught Love. I’m still finishing up the sketch, but you get the idea. If your curious about the details just talk to me about it; I’m not really in the mood to type out its description now (haha I feel lazy).
Friday, April 25, 2008
Mythology
Mythology of any kind is the greatest. At least it is when it inspires you. Oh if your not familiar with Thanatos, you may not get it.
Thanatos
The space between numbers is endless,
The moments count to nowhere,
Time wasted,
Time spent,
What is the end? What is the beginning?
The time between thoughts is careless,
The place in mind is empty,
Thoughts spent,
Thoughts lost,
What is the meaning? What is the purpose?
The thoughts of blood are common,
The glances flow together,
Thanatos lives,
Thanatos invites,
Where is this fate? Where is this end?
The Thanatos of heart is alive,
The realizations come to pass,
Life acknowledged,
Life appreciated,
Where is this end? Where is end of Thanatos?
Thanatos
The space between numbers is endless,
The moments count to nowhere,
Time wasted,
Time spent,
What is the end? What is the beginning?
The time between thoughts is careless,
The place in mind is empty,
Thoughts spent,
Thoughts lost,
What is the meaning? What is the purpose?
The thoughts of blood are common,
The glances flow together,
Thanatos lives,
Thanatos invites,
Where is this fate? Where is this end?
The Thanatos of heart is alive,
The realizations come to pass,
Life acknowledged,
Life appreciated,
Where is this end? Where is end of Thanatos?
More Delusions
I love writing schizophrenic poems; its kinda fun
What am I
What Am I?
You?
Yes, what am I?
Does it matter?
I just want to know why I live
Do you not want to live in order to feel?
I feel pain.
You?
Yes, what am I?
Does it matter?
I just want to know why I live
Do you not want to live in order to feel?
I feel pain.
Where Am I?
Where?
Yes, were am I?
Does it hurt?
I just want to be happy were I am.
Are you not happy, not satisfied?
I don’t know.
Where?
Yes, were am I?
Does it hurt?
I just want to be happy were I am.
Are you not happy, not satisfied?
I don’t know.
Why?
Why?
Yes, why?
Why what?
I want to know why everyone hurts.
Why…is life pain, hurt?
I don’t know.
Why?
Yes, why?
Why what?
I want to know why everyone hurts.
Why…is life pain, hurt?
I don’t know.
What am I?
You?
Yes, Me
You don’t understand yet?
I just want to be happy.
Are you feeling unhappy?
I feel Pain
You?
Yes, Me
You don’t understand yet?
I just want to be happy.
Are you feeling unhappy?
I feel Pain
Vintage Model
Might as well post this. This is the first "Poem" (if you want to call it that) that i wrote sometime in the 8th grade
Time
If time is a measurement of space; why does it seem different to people? Time.
To some it goes by slowly,
To others it goes by quickly,
Why?
If it were a measurement; would it not be constant?
The same?
People interpret thing different that’s true,
But even measurements are the same,
For example,
An inch is an inch
A foot is a foot
A yard is a yard
But to people time is always changing; it is never the same,
Why is it not the same for everyone?
Why is it different?
Time
If time is a measurement of space; why does it seem different to people? Time.
To some it goes by slowly,
To others it goes by quickly,
Why?
If it were a measurement; would it not be constant?
The same?
People interpret thing different that’s true,
But even measurements are the same,
For example,
An inch is an inch
A foot is a foot
A yard is a yard
But to people time is always changing; it is never the same,
Why is it not the same for everyone?
Why is it different?
More Crazed Thoughts
This poem is very similar to Loneliness. However this is more about the concept of Reality vs. Dream, and it really just goes in a circle; kind of how my mind
functions...(haha)
functions...(haha)
Thoughts and Dreams
Reality?
Yes reality
What is reality?
It is the world outside you dream
Where is my dream?
It is at the end of reality
Dreams?
Yes dreams
What is a dream?
It is the emotions you feel in reality
Where is my reality?
It is at the heart of your dream
Me?
Yes you
What am I?
You are the thoughts of existence
Where is my existence?
It is at the heart of your dream
Existence?
Yes existence
What is existence?
It is the dream of reality
What is this dream?
It is your reality
Where am I?
You?
Where am I?
You are at the end of reality
This is a dream?
Of your reality…of your existence
Yes reality
What is reality?
It is the world outside you dream
Where is my dream?
It is at the end of reality
Dreams?
Yes dreams
What is a dream?
It is the emotions you feel in reality
Where is my reality?
It is at the heart of your dream
Me?
Yes you
What am I?
You are the thoughts of existence
Where is my existence?
It is at the heart of your dream
Existence?
Yes existence
What is existence?
It is the dream of reality
What is this dream?
It is your reality
Where am I?
You?
Where am I?
You are at the end of reality
This is a dream?
Of your reality…of your existence
Oops
It was not until after I wrote this that I realized that this shares the same name as a song…
The Suffering
When do we understand?
When do we feel?
When are the things inside our mind not just a dream?
The emotions that move us…that rule us.
When are they true?
Emotions that we do not understand
Who is the person inside us?
Who is trying…to say the things we cannot?
Who is that face that comes to touch us?
The soul that lives in the mind of all…of hearts.
Who is that?
Souls that speak when we do not.
Why do we cry?
Why do we feel the dread of life?
Why the souls of all mortals?
The pain of life encloses us.
Why the hate?
Mortals that cry out in pain…our pain.
When do are spirits break free from all this?
When all things die…why do we live?
When do we understand?
The souls that talk when we do not.
What do they do with our spirit?
The voice that rules us…the voice that whispers “The Suffering”
The Suffering
When do we understand?
When do we feel?
When are the things inside our mind not just a dream?
The emotions that move us…that rule us.
When are they true?
Emotions that we do not understand
Who is the person inside us?
Who is trying…to say the things we cannot?
Who is that face that comes to touch us?
The soul that lives in the mind of all…of hearts.
Who is that?
Souls that speak when we do not.
Why do we cry?
Why do we feel the dread of life?
Why the souls of all mortals?
The pain of life encloses us.
Why the hate?
Mortals that cry out in pain…our pain.
When do are spirits break free from all this?
When all things die…why do we live?
When do we understand?
The souls that talk when we do not.
What do they do with our spirit?
The voice that rules us…the voice that whispers “The Suffering”
The Product of Sleep
What do you know, my thoughts came together in a rough poem
Dream
The deepest thoughts in our mind
A truth that is not truth
Dreams we make to let us feel life…
To show that reality is not life
The untruth we want true
A lie that is so comforting
Dreams we hope can come true…
To show that life is worth living
The love caught in soul
A hope that we love so dear
Dreams are created by love…
To show that love is real
The person seen in our dreams
A person always true
Dreams in which we see the person we love…
To show that love is a dream
The person we love
A person in thought
Dreams that come true…
To show us the truth…
The person we love
The deepest thoughts in our mind
A truth that is not truth
Dreams we make to let us feel life…
To show that reality is not life
The untruth we want true
A lie that is so comforting
Dreams we hope can come true…
To show that life is worth living
The love caught in soul
A hope that we love so dear
Dreams are created by love…
To show that love is real
The person seen in our dreams
A person always true
Dreams in which we see the person we love…
To show that love is a dream
The person we love
A person in thought
Dreams that come true…
To show us the truth…
The person we love
Thursday, April 24, 2008
A Message
I wrote this for a friend of mine, when she was not feeling well; I hope you catch some "Fly Me to the Moon" lyrics
The Gift of Love
The gift of love..
Something to cherish…
Something so fragile and weak
The gift of love….
The thing we long for…the thing we want…the thing we love
The people we love…
The gift of us…
Something like no other…
Something so strong and lasting…
The gift of us…
The thing and feeling we love…the thing we understand…the thing we love…
The people we love…
The hell of broken promise
Something to hate…
Something so evil and malice
The hell of broken promise
The thing we hate…the thing we do not understand…the thing we die over…
Im sorry….
Fill my heart with song and let me sing forever more
You are all I loved
And
All I worshipped and adored
In other words
Please be true….
In other words
I LOVE YOU
Random Thoughts in a Poetic Form
The Edge of Reason
Sky, blue sky
Sky of wonder, sky of beauty, sky of hope
Never ending blue,never ending life
Sky that completes you, sky that compels you
Blue dreams that live as long as thought
Grass,green grass
Grass of time, grass of many place, grass of thoughts
Never ending growth, never ending dreams
Grass that cradles you, grass that caresses you
Green blades that stretch as long as imagination
Water,clear water
Water of fish, water of stones, water of memories
Never ending memories, never ending reason
Water that sustains you, water that supports you
Little fish that number ideas in mind
Blood, red blood
Blood of life, blood of strength, blood of sustenance
Never ending motion, never ending laughter
Blood that releases you, blood that is sacred to you
Red liquid that fills the place of the soul
Thoughts, powerful thoughts
Thoughts of your’s, thoughts of mine, thoughts of theirs
Never ending conclusions, never ending questions
Thoughts that define you, thoughts that release you
Workings that distinguish you from me
Dreams, beautiful dreams
Dreams of love, dreams of happiness, dreams of forever
Never ending desires, never ending steps
Dreams that drive you, dreams that refine you
Dreams that free you from never
Life, never ending life
Life of love, life of thoughts, life of dreams
Never ending singing, never ending breathing
Life that fills you, life that completes you
Life that lifts you from suffering
Time, never ending time
Time of birth, time of sleep, time of eternity
Never ending pendulum, never ending ability
Time that guards you, time that enables you
How long is forever?
Sky, blue sky
Sky of wonder, sky of beauty, sky of hope
Never ending blue,never ending life
Sky that completes you, sky that compels you
Blue dreams that live as long as thought
Grass,green grass
Grass of time, grass of many place, grass of thoughts
Never ending growth, never ending dreams
Grass that cradles you, grass that caresses you
Green blades that stretch as long as imagination
Water,clear water
Water of fish, water of stones, water of memories
Never ending memories, never ending reason
Water that sustains you, water that supports you
Little fish that number ideas in mind
Blood, red blood
Blood of life, blood of strength, blood of sustenance
Never ending motion, never ending laughter
Blood that releases you, blood that is sacred to you
Red liquid that fills the place of the soul
Thoughts, powerful thoughts
Thoughts of your’s, thoughts of mine, thoughts of theirs
Never ending conclusions, never ending questions
Thoughts that define you, thoughts that release you
Workings that distinguish you from me
Dreams, beautiful dreams
Dreams of love, dreams of happiness, dreams of forever
Never ending desires, never ending steps
Dreams that drive you, dreams that refine you
Dreams that free you from never
Life, never ending life
Life of love, life of thoughts, life of dreams
Never ending singing, never ending breathing
Life that fills you, life that completes you
Life that lifts you from suffering
Time, never ending time
Time of birth, time of sleep, time of eternity
Never ending pendulum, never ending ability
Time that guards you, time that enables you
How long is forever?
Sometimes this really is Forbidden
Forbidden love
Un trusted feelings
This hell that man creates for nothing
The feelings that are ban from us
What for? Why? This hate?
Pain
Lost time
Forbidden feelings
This malice that is called "care"
The feelings that kill us
What is the point of pain?
Loneliness
Faded spirit
This place of nothingness
The faded place of time
What pleasure? What hope?
Nothingness
Broken heart
Caring love
This is the meaning of "secret sorrow"
The secret place of tears in our heart
What pain? Why tears?
Crying
Bleeding soul
Bleeding heart
This is the meaning of lost love
The meaning of bleeding
Why? What point?
Forbidden love
Un trusted feelings
This hell that man creates for nothing
The feelings that are ban from us
What for? Why? This hate?
Pain
Lost time
Forbidden feelings
This malice that is called "care"
The feelings that kill us
What is the point of pain?
Loneliness
Faded spirit
This place of nothingness
The faded place of time
What pleasure? What hope?
Nothingness
Broken heart
Caring love
This is the meaning of "secret sorrow"
The secret place of tears in our heart
What pain? Why tears?
Crying
Bleeding soul
Bleeding heart
This is the meaning of lost love
The meaning of bleeding
Why? What point?
Forbidden love
I Love These Things
Memories
The abstract thoughts of our past
Memories
The things we choose to remember…
Sometimes….
We remember what we don’t want to
The feelings of the present, mixed with the sensations of the past
Memories
The Feelings we want to feel forever…
Sometimes…
We feel the horrors of our troubles once again
The past made now
Memories
The Past and Present into one
The feelings
Memories
The abstract thoughts of our past
Memories
The things we choose to remember…
Sometimes….
We remember what we don’t want to
The feelings of the present, mixed with the sensations of the past
Memories
The Feelings we want to feel forever…
Sometimes…
We feel the horrors of our troubles once again
The past made now
Memories
The Past and Present into one
The feelings
Memories
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Kinda Strange
There are two different colors of text, because there are two different speakers in this poem (or is there two different aspects of the same person?). If any body recognizes some of the dialog from Neon Genesis, you get a cookie
Loneliness
Is there someone their?
You
There are other people here, there has to be
Others?
Yes others
There is only you; but you hate it don’t you; loneliness.
Loneliness?
Where are you?
Here
But I can’t see you, only feel you
Feelings?
Feelings, of course
The others, Do you feel them around you, but there is only you.
Only me?
Myself and no one else
Yes
No I sense someone other than myself
Me?
Who are you?
You, you are many but you are alone…
Who are you?
I can’t be alone!
Loneliness?
You’re here
Me?
Yes you
I am you…we are many but you are alone
What are you talking about?
This is me?
You
What is this place?
Your world
My..?
This is your mind, your world,
My...world?
This place…
Your mind
Can I leave this world?
Leave?
Yes leave
If you want to feel others… the others around you will appear to you… in reality.
Where is my reality?
Reality, outside my mind?
Reality?
I want reality.
You do?
Yes, I do, my own choice.
Reality is at the end of your dream
Where is the end of my dream?
It is at the begining of reality...
...at the end of my dream
Loneliness
Is there someone their?
You
There are other people here, there has to be
Others?
Yes others
There is only you; but you hate it don’t you; loneliness.
Loneliness?
Where are you?
Here
But I can’t see you, only feel you
Feelings?
Feelings, of course
The others, Do you feel them around you, but there is only you.
Only me?
Myself and no one else
Yes
No I sense someone other than myself
Me?
Who are you?
You, you are many but you are alone…
Who are you?
I can’t be alone!
Loneliness?
You’re here
Me?
Yes you
I am you…we are many but you are alone
What are you talking about?
This is me?
You
What is this place?
Your world
My..?
This is your mind, your world,
My...world?
This place…
Your mind
Can I leave this world?
Leave?
Yes leave
If you want to feel others… the others around you will appear to you… in reality.
Where is my reality?
Reality, outside my mind?
Reality?
I want reality.
You do?
Yes, I do, my own choice.
Reality is at the end of your dream
Where is the end of my dream?
It is at the begining of reality...
...at the end of my dream
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