Memories....Ideas...ugh...

Drip


(drip drip drip)

I remember…I remember coming to this place.
Coming here to hide from reality.
To hide from what I considered miserable and evil.
I ran away from everything and hid here in ignorance.
Isolated from everyone, and kept in the cold of selfishness.
But this is my choice.

It’s dark…so dark I can’t even see my own figure.
My form my shape, all is oblivious.
Nothing is seen so nothing can be judged as evil.
Knowledge and the light it spreads is vanquished here.
Staying in darkness, and kept unaware of my surroundings.
Content I am.

(drip)

There are no sounds…all is quiet here in my refuge.
In this black day no sounds echo forth.
Nothing is ever heard so I must be alone.
Beautiful songs are never in the air in my palace.
Nothing is heard, then none of it matters.
Only the sound of my thoughts.

I don’t know…really how large my palace is.
It is vast and seemingly endless.
No walls can be found or a roof at all.
There are no stairs of progress as ignorance would need none.
No plants to feel and pick in pleasure.
Only water is felt at times.

……drip……

That sound…I heard a sound.
Of distant water flowing somewhere in my palace.
Water, it drips ripples and pours.
But what does the water flow from?
No stones or even matter for the water to flow on.
Where is this water?

My imagination…is it not bound by ignorance?
That must be it, my imagination.
But no I feel water at times, water in a sea of nothingness.
Where is it, where is this noise coming from?
This water can’t be real there is nothing else here in my refuge!
My imagination my mind where is this water coming from?

drip drip drip

This can’t be…the blackness is closing in!
My refuge is collapsing around me!
This dampness, this sound it’s everywhere!
I can feel it, I can hear it, it’s falling on me!
If this is my imagination, my mind I control you!
Listen to me!

My breath…I can’t breath in this black ocean!
The space, the space it gone!
I can’t move, what’s going on!? Why mind why!?
It was MY decision to hide from everything!
Why are you doing this to me!?
I can’t move, help me!

…drip………………………………..................

Stop it…stop it now!
Ever heart beat every blink of my eyes, they are all happening slowly before me!
Black walls of my world are smashed together!
No stop that infernal dripping!!!
Dripping dripping dripping that’s all I can hear now!
That echo!

This is ….this is my world of security!
You can’t do this to me mind!
You’re still my mind so am I doing this to myself??
My own retribution for closing my mind to the world??
Stop the dripping STOP!!!
…………..My……………wor-

...drip……………………………….......................……I……..remember……..

I woke up one day…and took a good look around through the window of inquiry.
I saw all the world’s evils all of the hatred and despair.
I decided to stop learning of things of this world and run away from reality.
That started everything…or rather that started my demise.
Ignorance and loneliness drove me mad.
Deep down I hated myself for such an action.

My ignorant and selfish mind is killing me.

………………………………...........

beep…beep…beep…beep

Bright light…
My body…my form…sore from struggling…alive?
Defined walls…and a ceiling…white sheets
A sink…dripping with water.
I hate hospitals.
I want to look out the window.