Hands stained with Innocent Blood

I hate all holidays; I find them stupid and pointless.
So here is something different while all the kids are in their little costumes and so on and so forth.

Today in Government class, we, as a class, discussed foreign policies. This in turn led into the war in the Middle East. One child (I say child because even though he is almost 18, he shows no apparent ability to reason like an adult) proposed a plan to end the war. His plan was to:

“Fire numerous nuclear missiles into the counties of the Middle East. Thus eliminating the terrorist threat, and ending all other possible problems from that area.”

….what a minute……..
Is that reasoning just like a terrorist?
Think for a moment.

September 11, 2001. Religious extremist attacked a government they consider evil. And to a certain degree, they did succeed in attacking said government….And in the process, they killed uncounted innocent people who wanted nothing to do with their holy war.

By launching nuclear weapons into the Middle East, true, a few terrorists would be killed. However in the process, hundreds of thousands of innocent people who simply want to live their lives, who have morals similar to our own, would be killed in the process. "Possible problems"? People who are different, who's culture is different, does that alone make them problems? It's true, I do not agree with the way women are treated in the Middle East...but does that make the people problems? Differences...ha we look strange to "them" as well.

Do you see the parallels? In both cases, one particular group is targeted; but in the process, innocent blood is shed. If vengeance “must” be taken, do the lives of the innocent have to be taken as well?

Call me a fool, unpatriotic, or whatever the hell you can come up with. I do not care.
The innocent; do they really have to perish for the sins of all?
If there is any morality…any decency, I hope the answer is “No”.

From the Dark

Another sleepless night.
Well then, typically I would be writing poetry, but as stated before, I’m feeling really uninspired.
Uninspired to write poems in any case.

Lets talk.

The nation. No no: the world. What do you see? Ha what do you want to see? Both simple questions; both with simple answers. You, or we rather, see misery, destruction, hell even anarchy. Imperfection.
Happiness, prosperity, stability; those are what we want to see. Then why do we not see those basic things in the world?

Humans are such funny creature. We have a mind; a mind with the ability to reason abstractly, to learn, to reflect, to love. Almost anything that can be imagined, can be created with modern technology. People imagine a perfect world; but THAT can not be created. No matter how hard we humans try, we will never have a perfect world.

Why? Do not all people desire a perfect world? Do not all people try to attain that? So why does it not work? Why is the world falling into nothingness? Why are people suffering? Why are people filled with hatred? People are such amazing creatures, yet with all that we have, we cannot attain a perfect world; we cannot attain perfection. We have such amazing emotions, yet the world is primarily filled with hate and misery.

Humans don’t have the ability to rule themselves. Humans don’t know how to create a perfect world. Don’t believe me? Look at history; look at the present. Despite all the “advances”, the world becomes worse every year.

This world is disgusting. It’s funny, without humans, the world would be perfect. Humans are simply destroying themselves; for the Earth is strong, it has the ability to grow and regenerate.

I hate this world, I want it to end.
I hate all the fools who are plunging this world into destruction.
I hate all the stupid people ignoring there ability to reason.
Think. You must think! If people would think more, perhaps the world would be better?
You are most likely thinking “think about what?”
I don’t have an answer to that.
I don’t know what to think about; I’m simply another flawed human.

Am I simply stating the obvious? Most likely, you could tell on your own how bad the world is.
Am I simply ranting and raving for no reason. Yeah.
Am I simply another stupid fool? Probably.

Praying Mantis

Panoramic Vision

“I see you.”

“Oh really? And how can you? I am behind you?”

“Haha, I can see everything”

“No you can’t!”

“Yes I can; I have big green eyes!
No matter where you are, I will see you with my green eyes!”, said the Praying Mantis

That was our discussion; the discussion between the Praying Mantis and Myself
That was our discussion; the discussion that happened over 11 years ago

The peculiar insect held onto the rose branch
As I leaned to the right, those big green eyes turned to follow me
As I leaned to the left, those big green eyes turned to follow me

“Ha if I walk behind him, he won’t turn his neck all away around!” I thought

As I walk behind the peculiar insect, those green eyes were still watching me
Those small pupils were still visible, even from behind his head

“I see you.”

“Really? What if I’m under you?”

“Yep! I can see you there too!”

“How can you?”

“Easily! I have all seeing eyes!
No matter where you are, I will see you with my green eyes!” said the Praying Mantis

That was our discussion; the discussion between the Praying Mantis and Myself
That was our discussion; the discussion that made the Praying Mantis my favorite insect over 11 years ago

Poetry....ugh

Retrospect

Does the past really matter now?
I’m such a fool
A fool who believed a living lie
I wish I could turn back time, for everything that went wrong is my fault
But even if I could…
What would I do?
Wouldn’t I do the same things over again?
Wouldn’t I seek my own pleasure again?
Wouldn’t I go after her again?

Does my existence mean any thing?
I’m so selfish
So selfish to disregard the feelings of others
I wish no one really gave a damn about me, for then dying would be so easy
But even if no one did…
What would happen?
Wouldn’t I still try to be close to them?
Wouldn’t I long to be with them?
Wouldn’t I swallow that bottle of pills again?

I hate
I hate
I hate the world as it is
I hate all the stupid people in this world
I seem to thrive on my own hatred
No, that is not me; this undying hatred is not me
This is you, isn’t it Nadleeh?
This is you screaming in my mind again
If I could rid myself of you, find where in my mind you are hiding, I would destroy you
I hate
I hate you Nadleeh

Why have people I cared about died?
They were all so young
Where are you guys?
Why did you leave?
I need you
Why leave me here in this world alone?

A friend, she is moving on with her life.
Why can’t I do the same?
I feel so close to her, yet so distant
I feel so happy for her, yet hurt
All at the same time

Does this mean I can’t move on?
I’m so stupid
So stupid not to move forward with my life
I wish, I wish I could just let go of everything, be free of these feelings, move on…
What would I look for?
Wouldn’t I seek company again?
Wouldn’t I become emotionally attached to people again?
Wouldn’t I ruin everything again?

Why am I even still alive?
What purpose do I have?
I want, I want to move on
Let go…and move on
Let go of the past…and move on
Rid myself of these feelings…and move on
Everyone else is moving on, I must be behind the times
All I want, is to be happy
To move on

Tole Mour

Alright, I just posted a little review about my latest Tole trip (the blog just below this one), so I thought “hey, why not post some info on what we do on board”. The picture is the Tole Mour…nice aye?
Honestly there is a lot of “stuff” happening in my life lately, so this is a little distraction. Normally I would write a poem, but I’m feeling really uninspired.

Anyway here are the things you do while on the Tole (and any other sailing ship)
- Set the sails (raise the sails)
- Strike the sails (lower the sails)
- Furl the sails (stow the sails while not in use so they wind does not damage them)

If you think working with the sails is easy, you are wrong. They are incredibly heavy (for cloth anyway)…it takes a lot of man power and coordination to get those sails up. Plus there are many…meaning you are constantly working…

- Clean the deck
- Clean the Galley and Mess (Kitchen and dining room)

And pretty much clean every other part of the ship as well….

- Learn basic knot tying (many knots are used all over the ship to hold lines [ropes] in place)
- Climb aloft
- Navigate through the open ocean
- Steer the ship
- Run routine inspections to ensure the ship is functioning properly
- Sing Sea Shanties (Singing kills time and ensure that everyone is working at the same pace)

Ok so the things listed so far are all ship-related tasks. This next list is of other activities performed during the trip

- Study marine biology in the ship’s lab
- Snorkel in the kelp forests of the Channel Islands
- Swim with sea lion pups
- Collect and handle marine animals (and release them later)
- Study the ocean’s role in the world scene (water cycle, wave dynamics, etc)
- Take hikes on the Channel Islands.

Every thing listed is bloody awesome. There are many other things that are done while sailing as well…but there is no need to list everything

Trippy list...would you not agree?

Sailing

A few weeks ago, I again went sailing for five days on a ship called the Tole Mour. This trip was by far the best. For the first time, the high school trip was combine with the elementary school trip (because there was not enough high school interest). My frist thought was "crap...little kids", but it was great. Besides myself, there were three other high schoolers who had been on the ship before. We were signed on as "Junior Counselors" meaning, we were able to take the lead in activities. I was had been on the ship the most, meaning I had the most experienc (yeah!). There was quite an age difference among the students, from 6th graders all the way to seniors; mostly little kids from 6th to 8th grade. Honestly I had a blast teaching the kids; whether it be diving to show them marine life, tying knots on the deck, or simply making them laugh and having fun learning; 'twas all good.

A few of my friends were on board; and surprisingly enough, I made a few new ones. Also, I knew most of the ships standing crew; most notably is Scott, who I met in 8th grade during my first trip. About the 2nd day out, a girl in the 7th grade told me "You're like the older brother I never had." Being the sentimental fool that I am, my heart melted, and we became good friends; actually fooling some of crew into thinking we really were siblings (god I don't know how we look nothing alike...). My friend Molly at the last minute was able to go. I was absolutely thrilled she was able to. We were already good friends, but we became even closer...I trust her more now, and we are a little more open with each other. She is one of the few people I truly refer to as a friend.

There is so much to tell about...whether it be Chris and Luke with a guitar, Stephen making the kids laugh with his..."silliness", the bloody awesome guy with the nickname "Nacho Panda", the beauty of the ocean, or Molly's smile...all was right with the world. This trip I bonded with everyone more than I usually do. The crew, the students, we became a family...even if it was only for a short time.

I keep in touch with most of the students, we all live in the same city after all; well actually two cities that are pretty close by. They call me "Joe", for that is my name on board. I might post pictures later. The trip was increadible; I'll never forget the friends and the thrill.

‘Twas my fifth time sailing on the Tole Mour, and sadly my last. The company that owns the ship can no longer afford to maintain it, so the ship was sold. Sometime before the end of the year, the ship is sailing to Italy.
Bye Tole.
<- Molly (dear friend), Me (ocean tan), Elena ("little sister")